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Essay(s) by Arthur Brisbane
Woman's Vanity Is Useful
Arthur Brisbane
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       We'll waste no time in proving that women, from the cradle to the grave, at all hours and all ages, are sincerely interested in their personal appearance.
       No man should object to this--the constitutional guarantee referring to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness covers the ground fully.
       But it is not enough for men NOT TO OBJECT to woman's various innocent vanities.
       Every man should be delighted that women are vain. Each man should do what he can to keep the vanity alive.
       FOR WOMAN'S VANITY, DEARLY BELOVED, IS THE ONE AND INDISPENSABLE PRESERVER OF HER HEALTH.
       A woman cannot be pretty, according to her own notions, unless HEALTHY.
       If too fat, she is not pretty--and she is miserable until, through self-control, she gets thin.
       If too thin, she is not pretty. At present she has a crazy sort of idea that to be "skinny" is to be attractive. That is a passing delusion. In the long run women realize that there is nothing beautiful about a female living skeleton, and they strive through normal living to become normal.
       Above all, no woman can have a good complexion unless she have good health and live normally. This one absorbing question of complexion does more for woman's health; it gives us more strong mothers, and more sensible girls, than all the preachings, beseechings, prayers and expostulations of all the world's male advisers.
       A woman's instinct is to eat buckwheat cakes, adding boiling hot coffee and iced water. She likes to eat candy between meals, and her idea of a fine luncheon is lobster salad and ice cream. But small spots appear. Those fine pink cheeks get too pink or too pale, and sensible eating is adopted as a life rule.
       Even the hideous corset squeezing is counteracted by the power of complexion. Woman likes to look like a wasp, and if she could she would move her poor system all out of place for the sake of a waist hideously small.
       But, providentially, a waist squeezed too mercilessly gives a bright pink tip to the end of the nose; and for the sake of the color of that nose-tip the poor waist gets a rest--the corset is let out.
       It cannot be denied that among idle, nervous women to-day there is a tendency to take stimulants to excess, and even to smoke abominable cigarettes.
       Alcohol, fortunately, ruins the complexion. And for the sake of their looks women often deny themselves and show a strength of resolution that would not be called forth by any moral appeal.
       Cigarettes in short order make the face sallow, spoil the shape of the mouth, make the eyes heavy, fill the hair with permanently unpleasant nicotine suggestions, develop a mustache--and women are cured of cigarette smoking by a look in the glass, when they could not be cured by tearful appeals of the wisest philosophers.
       ----
       Do not, therefore, O men, despise the vanity of women. Praise and cherish it rather. Be grateful that nature works in a wonderful way through the power of attraction, making woman do for good looks' sake that which is most important to her welfare.
       If you want to cure your wife or some other female relative of lacing, don't moralize. Say to her six or seven times:
       "Isn't the end of your nose a little red?"
       Should she act in any way unwisely, staying up too late, living foolishly, trying the silly and unwomanly habit of cigarette smoking, don't criticise the habit.
       Criticise her complexion, or the look of her eyes, or her general lack of youthfulness. She will soon be cured, if you can follow this advice astutely.
       [The end]
       Arthur Brisbane's essay: Woman's Vanity Is Useful
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The "Criminal" Class
"Limiting The Amount Of A Day's Work"
150 Against 150,000--We Favor The 150,000
600 Teachers Now, 600,000 Good Americans In The Future
Again The Limited Day's Work
Astronomy Woman's Future Work
The Automobile Will Make Us More Human
The Azores--A Small Lost World In A Universe Of Water
A Baby Can Educate A Man
Catching A Red-Hot Bolt
The Cow That Kicks Her Weaned Calf Is All Heart
Crime Is Dying Out
Cruel Frightening Of Children
Cultivate Thought--Teach Your Brain To Work Early
Did We Once Live On The Moon?
Discontent The Motive Power Of Progress
Do You Feel Discouraged?
Don't Be In A Hurry, Young Gentlemen
Drink A Slow Poison
The Drunkard's Side Of It
The Earth Is Only A Front Yard
Education--The First Duty Of Government
The Elephant That Will Not Move Has Better Excuses Than We Have For Folly Displayed
The Existence Of God--Parable Of The Blind Kittens
The Eye That Weighs A Ton
The Fascinating Problem Of Immortality
France Has Learned Her Lesson
From Mammoths To Mosquitoes --From Murder To Hypocrisy
A Girl's Face In The Gaslight And An Important Part Of The World's Work
The Good That Is Done By The Trusts
The Harm That Is Done By Our Friends
Have The Animals Souls?
How Marriage Began
How The Other Planets Will Talk To Us
The Human Brain Beats The Coal Mines
The Human Weeds In Prison
Imagination Without Dreaming The Secret Of Material Success
The Importance Of Education Proved In Lincoln's Case
It Is Natural For Children To Be Cruel
Jesus' Attitude Toward Children
Knowledge Is Growth
Last Week's Baby Will Surely Talk Some Day
Law Cannot Stop Drunkenness--Education Can
Let Us Be Thankful (Thanksgiving Day, Nov 27, 1902)
Let Us Be Thankful (Thanksgiving)
Man's Willingness To Work
The Marvellous Balance Of The Universe--A Lesson In The Texas Flood
The Monkey And The Snake Fight
A Mother's Work And Her Hopes
No Happiness Save In Mental And Physical Activity
No Man Understands Iron
No Napoleonic Chess Player On An Air Cushion
One Of The Many Corpses In The Johnstown Mine
The One Who Needs No Statue
The Owner Of A Golden Mountain
Poverty Is The Father Of Vice, Crime And Failure
The Promising Toad's Head
Respectable Women Who Listen To "Faust"
Shall We Do Without Sleep Some Day?
Shall We Tame And Chain The Invisible Microbe As We Now Chain Niagara?
The Steeple, Moving Like The Hand Of A Clock
The Story Of The Complaining Diamond
Study Of The Character Of God
There Should Be A Monument To Time
Those Who Laugh At A Drunken Man
The Three Best Things In The World
Three Water Drops Converse
To Editorial Writers--Adopt Ruskin's Main Idea
To The Merchants
To Those Who Drink Hard--You Have Slipped The Belt
To-Day's World-Struggle
Too Little And Too Much
Trusts And The Senate
The Trusts And The Union-- How Do They Differ?
The Trusts Are National School Teachers
Trusts Will Drive Labor Unions Into Politics
Try Whiskey On Your Friend's Eyeball
Two Kinds Of Discontent
Two Thin Little Babies Are Left
Union Men As Slave Owners
The Value Of Poverty To The World
The Value Of Solitude
The Vast Importance Of Sleep
We Long For Immortal Imperfection--We Can't Have It
What About The Chinese, Kind Sir?
What Animal Controls Your Spirit?
What Are The Ten Best Books?
What Should Be A Man's Object In Life?
What The Bartender Sees
What Will 999 Years Mean To The Human Race
When The Baby Changed Into A Fourteen-Year-Old
When We Begin Using Land Under The Oceans
When Will Woman's Mental Life Begin?
Where Your Body Came From
A Whiskey Bottle
White-Rabbit Millionaires And Other Things
Who Is Independent? Nobody
Why Are All Men Gamblers?
Why Women Should Vote
William Henry Channing's Symphony
The Wind Does Not Rule Your Destiny
Woman Sustains, Guides And Controls The World
A Woman To Be Pitied
Woman's Vanity Is Useful
The Wonderful Magnet
Your Work Is Your Brain's Gymnasium