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A Personal Record: Some Reminiscences
CHAPTER I
Joseph Conrad
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       _
       CHAPTER I
       Books may be written in all sorts of places. Verbal inspiration
       may enter the berth of a mariner on board a ship frozen fast in a
       river in the middle of a town; and since saints are supposed to
       look benignantly on humble believers, I indulge in the pleasant
       fancy that the shade of old Flaubert--who imagined himself to be
       (amongst other things) a descendant of Vikings--might have
       hovered with amused interest over the decks of a 2000-ton steamer
       called the "Adowa," on board of which, gripped by the inclement
       winter alongside a quay in Rouen, the tenth chapter of "Almayer's
       Folly" was begun. With interest, I say, for was not the kind
       Norman giant with enormous moustaches and a thundering voice the
       last of the Romantics? Was he not, in his unworldly, almost
       ascetic, devotion to his art a sort of literary, saint-like
       hermit?
       "'It has set at last,' said Nina to her mother, pointing to the
       hills behind which the sun had sunk.". . .These words of
       Almayer's romantic daughter I remember tracing on the grey paper
       of a pad which rested on the blanket of my bed-place. They
       referred to a sunset in Malayan Isles and shaped themselves in my
       mind, in a hallucinated vision of forests and rivers and seas,
       far removed from a commercial and yet romantic town of the
       northern hemisphere. But at that moment the mood of visions and
       words was cut short by the third officer, a cheerful and casual
       youth, coming in with a bang of the door and the exclamation:
       "You've made it jolly warm in here."
       It was warm. I had turned on the steam-heater after placing a
       tin under the leaky water-cock--for perhaps you do not know that
       water will leak where steam will not. I am not aware of what my
       young friend had been doing on deck all that morning, but the
       hands he rubbed together vigorously were very red and imparted to
       me a chilly feeling by their mere aspect. He has remained the
       only banjoist of my acquaintance, and being also a younger son of
       a retired colonel, the poem of Mr. Kipling, by a strange
       aberration of associated ideas, always seems to me to have been
       written with an exclusive view to his person. When he did not
       play the banjo he loved to sit and look at it. He proceeded to
       this sentimental inspection and after meditating a while over the
       strings under my silent scrutiny inquired airily:
       "What are you always scribbling there, if it's fair to ask?"
       It was a fair enough question, but I did not answer him, and
       simply turned the pad over with a movement of instinctive
       secrecy: I could not have told him he had put to flight the
       psychology of Nina Almayer, her opening speech of the tenth
       chapter and the words of Mrs. Almayer's wisdom which were to
       follow in the ominous oncoming of a tropical night. I could not
       have told him that Nina had said: "It has set at last." He
       would have been extremely surprised and perhaps have dropped his
       precious banjo. Neither could I have told him that the sun of my
       sea-going was setting too, even as I wrote the words expressing
       the impatience of passionate youth bent on its desire. I did not
       know this myself, and it is safe to say he would not have cared,
       though he was an excellent young fellow and treated me with more
       deference than, in our relative positions, I was strictly
       entitled to.
       He lowered a tender gaze on his banjo and I went on looking
       through the port-hole. The round opening framed in its brass rim
       a fragment of the quays, with a row of casks ranged on the frozen
       ground and the tail-end of a great cart. A red-nosed carter in a
       blouse and a woollen nightcap leaned against the wheel. An idle,
       strolling custom-house guard, belted over his blue capote, had
       the air of being depressed by exposure to the weather and the
       monotony of official existence. The background of grimy houses
       found a place in the picture framed by my port-hole, across a
       wide stretch of paved quay brown with frozen mud. The colouring
       was sombre, and the most conspicuous feature was a little cafe
       with curtained windows and a shabby front of white woodwork,
       corresponding with the squalor of these poorer quarters bordering
       the river. We had been shifted down there from another berth in
       the neighbourhood of the Opera House, where that same port-hole
       gave me a view of quite another sort of cafe--the best in the
       town, I believe, and the very one where the worthy Bovary and his
       wife, the romantic daughter of old Pere Renault, had some
       refreshment after the memorable performance of an opera which was
       the tragic story of Lucia di Lammermoor in a setting of light
       music.
       I could recall no more the hallucination of the Eastern
       Archipelago which I certainly hoped to see again. The story of
       "Almayer's Folly" got put away under the pillow for that day. I
       do not know that I had any occupation to keep me away from it;
       the truth of the matter is that on board that ship we were
       leading just then a contemplative life. I will not say anything
       of my privileged position. I was there "just to oblige," as an
       actor of standing may take a small part in the benefit
       performance of a friend.
       As far as my feelings were concerned I did not wish to be in that
       steamer at that time and in those circumstances. And perhaps I
       was not even wanted there in the usual sense in which a ship
       "wants" an officer. It was the first and last instance in my sea
       life when I served ship-owners who have remained completely
       shadowy to my apprehension. I do not mean this for the well-
       known firm of London ship-brokers which had chartered the ship to
       the, I will not say short-lived, but ephemeral Franco-Canadian
       Transport Company. A death leaves something behind, but there
       was never anything tangible left from the F.C.T.C. It flourished
       no longer than roses live, and unlike the roses it blossomed in
       the dead of winter, emitted a sort of faint perfume of adventure
       and died before spring set in. But indubitably it was a company,
       it had even a house-flag, all white with the letters F.C.T.C.
       artfully tangled up in a complicated monogram. We flew it at our
       main-mast head, and now I have come to the conclusion that it was
       the only flag of its kind in existence. All the same we on
       board, for many days, had the impression of being a unit of a
       large fleet with fortnightly departures for Montreal and Quebec
       as advertised in pamphlets and prospectuses which came aboard in
       a large package in Victoria Dock, London, just before we started
       for Rouen, France. And in the shadowy life of the F.C.T.C. lies
       the secret of that, my last employment in my calling, which in a
       remote sense interrupted the rhythmical development of Nina
       Almayer's story.
       The then secretary of the London Shipmasters' Society, with its
       modest rooms in Fenchurch Street, was a man of indefatigable
       activity and the greatest devotion to his task. He is
       responsible for what was my last association with a ship. I call
       it that because it can hardly be called a sea-going experience.
       Dear Captain Froud--it is impossible not to pay him the tribute
       of affectionate familiarity at this distance of years--had very
       sound views as to the advancement of knowledge and status for the
       whole body of the officers of the mercantile marine. He
       organised for us courses of professional lectures, St. John
       ambulance classes, corresponded industriously with public bodies
       and members of Parliament on subjects touching the interests of
       the service; and as to the oncoming of some inquiry or commission
       relating to matters of the sea and to the work of seamen, it was
       a perfect godsend to his need of exerting himself on our
       corporate behalf. Together with this high sense of his official
       duties he had in him a vein of personal kindness, a strong
       disposition to do what good he could to the individual members of
       that craft of which in his time he had been a very excellent
       master. And what greater kindness can one do to a seaman than to
       put him in the way of employment? Captain Froud did not see why
       the Shipmasters' Society, besides its general guardianship of our
       interests, should not be unofficially an employment agency of the
       very highest class.
       "I am trying to persuade all our great ship-owning firms to come
       to us for their men. There is nothing of a trade-union spirit
       about our society, and I really don't see why they should not,"
       he said once to me. "I am always telling the captains, too, that
       all things being equal they ought to give preference to the
       members of the society. In my position I can generally find for
       them what they want amongst our members or our associate
       members."
       In my wanderings about London from West to East and back again (I
       was very idle then) the two little rooms in Fenchurch Street were
       a sort of resting-place where my spirit, hankering after the sea,
       could feel itself nearer to the ships, the men, and the life of
       its choice--nearer there than on any other spot of the solid
       earth. This resting-place used to be, at about five o'clock in
       the afternoon, full of men and tobacco smoke, but Captain Froud
       had the smaller room to himself and there he granted private
       interviews, whose principal motive was to render service. Thus,
       one murky November afternoon he beckoned me in with a crooked
       finger and that peculiar glance above his spectacles which is
       perhaps my strongest physical recollection of the man.
       "I have had in here a shipmaster, this morning," he said, getting
       back to his desk and motioning me to a chair, "who is in want of
       an officer. It's for a steamship. You know, nothing pleases me
       more than to be asked, but unfortunately I do not quite see my
       way. . ."
       As the outer room was full of men I cast a wondering glance at
       the closed door but he shook his head.
       "Oh, yes, I should be only too glad to get that berth for one of
       them. But the fact of the matter is, the captain of that ship
       wants an officer who can speak French fluently, and that's not so
       easy to find. I do not know anybody myself but you. It's a
       second officer's berth and, of course, you would not care. . .
       would you now? I know that it isn't what you are looking for."
       It was not. I had given myself up to the idleness of a haunted
       man who looks for nothing but words wherein to capture his
       visions. But I admit that outwardly I resembled sufficiently a
       man who could make a second officer for a steamer chartered by a
       French company. I showed no sign of being haunted by the fate of
       Nina and by the murmurs of tropical forests; and even my intimate
       intercourse with Almayer (a person of weak character) had not put
       a visible mark upon my features. For many years he and the world
       of his story had been the companions of my imagination without, I
       hope, impairing my ability to deal with the realities of sea
       life. I had had the man and his surroundings with me ever since
       my return from the eastern waters, some four years before the day
       of which I speak.
       It was in the front sitting-room of furnished apartments in a
       Pimlico square that they first began to live again with a
       vividness and poignancy quite foreign to our former real
       intercourse. I had been treating myself to a long stay on shore,
       and in the necessity of occupying my mornings, Almayer (that old
       acquaintance) came nobly to the rescue. Before long, as was only
       proper, his wife and daughter joined him round my table and then
       the rest of that Pantai band came full of words and gestures.
       Unknown to my respectable landlady, it was my practice directly
       after my breakfast to hold animated receptions of Malays, Arabs
       and half-castes. They did not clamour aloud for my attention.
       They came with a silent and irresistible appeal--and the appeal,
       I affirm here, was not to my self-love or my vanity. It seems
       now to have had a moral character, for why should the memory of
       these beings, seen in their obscure sun-bathed existence, demand
       to express itself in the shape of a novel, except on the ground
       of that mysterious fellowship which unites in a community of
       hopes and fears all the dwellers on this earth?
       I did not receive my visitors with boisterous rapture as the
       bearers of any gifts of profit or fame. There was no vision of a
       printed book before me as I sat writing at that table, situated
       in a decayed part of Belgravia. After all these years, each
       leaving its evidence of slowly blackened pages, I can honestly
       say that it is a sentiment akin to piety which prompted me to
       render in words assembled with conscientious care the memory of
       things far distant and of men who had lived.
       But, coming back to Captain Froud and his fixed idea of never
       disappointing ship-owners or ship-captains, it was not likely
       that I should fail him in his ambition--to satisfy at a few
       hours' notice the unusual demand for a French-speaking officer.
       He explained to me that the ship was chartered by a French
       company intending to establish a regular monthly line of sailings
       from Rouen, for the transport of French emigrants to Canada.
       But, frankly, this sort of thing did not interest me very much.
       I said gravely that if it were really a matter of keeping up the
       reputation of the Shipmasters' Society, I would consider it. But
       the consideration was just for form's sake. The next day I
       interviewed the Captain, and I believe we were impressed
       favourably with each other. He explained that his chief mate was
       an excellent man in every respect and that he could not think of
       dismissing him so as to give me the higher position; but that if
       I consented to come as second officer I would be given certain
       special advantages--and so on.
       I told him that if I came at all the rank really did not matter.
       "I am sure," he insisted, "you will get on first rate with Mr.
       Paramor."
       I promised faithfully to stay for two trips at least, and it was
       in those circumstances that what was to be my last connection
       with a ship began. And after all there was not even one single
       trip. It may be that it was simply the fulfilment of a fate, of
       that written word on my forehead which apparently forbade me,
       through all my sea wanderings, ever to achieve the crossing of
       the Western Ocean--using the words in that special sense in which
       sailors speak of Western Ocean trade, of Western Ocean packets,
       of Western Ocean hard cases. The new life attended closely upon
       the old and the nine chapters of "Almayer's Folly" went with me
       to the Victoria Dock, whence in a few days we started for Rouen.
       I won't go so far as saying that the engaging of a man fated
       never to cross the Western Ocean was the absolute cause of the
       Franco-Canadian Transport Company's failure to achieve even a
       single passage. It might have been that of course; but the
       obvious, gross obstacle was clearly the want of money. Four
       hundred and sixty bunks for emigrants were put together in the
       'tween decks by industrious carpenters while we lay in the
       Victoria Dock, but never an emigrant turned up in Rouen--of
       which, being a humane person, I confess I was glad. Some
       gentlemen from Paris--I think there were three of them, and one
       was said to be the Chairman--turned up indeed and went from end
       to end of the ship, knocking their silk hats cruelly against the
       deck-beams. I attended them personally, and I can vouch for it
       that the interest they took in things was intelligent enough,
       though, obviously, they had never seen anything of the sort
       before. Their faces as they went ashore wore a cheerfully
       inconclusive expression. Notwithstanding that this inspecting
       ceremony was supposed to be a preliminary to immediate sailing,
       it was then, as they filed down our gangway, that I received the
       inward monition that no sailing within the meaning of our
       charter-party would ever take place.
       It must be said that in less than three weeks a move took place.
       When we first arrived we had been taken up with much ceremony
       well towards the centre of the town, and, all the street corners
       being placarded with the tricolour posters announcing the birth
       of our company, the petit bourgeois with his wife and family made
       a Sunday holiday from the inspection of the ship. I was always
       in evidence in my best uniform to give information as though I
       had been a Cook's tourists' interpreter, while our quarter-
       masters reaped a harvest of small change from personally
       conducted parties. But when the move was made--that move which
       carried us some mile and a half down the stream to be tied up to
       an altogether muddier and shabbier quay--then indeed the
       desolation of solitude became our lot. It was a complete and
       soundless stagnation; for, as we had the ship ready for sea to
       the smallest detail, as the frost was hard and the days short, we
       were absolutely idle--idle to the point of blushing with shame
       when the thought struck us that all the time our salaries went
       on. Young Cole was aggrieved because, as he said, we could not
       enjoy any sort of fun in the evening after loafing like this all
       day: even the banjo lost its charm since there was nothing to
       prevent his strumming on it all the time between the meals. The
       good Paramor--he was really a most excellent fellow--became
       unhappy as far as was possible to his cheery nature, till one
       dreary day I suggested, out of sheer mischief, that he should
       employ the dormant energies of the crew in hauling both cables up
       on deck and turning them end for end.
       For a moment Mr. Paramor was radiant. "Excellent idea!" but
       directly his face fell. "Why. . .Yes! But we can't make that
       job last more than three days," he muttered discontentedly. I
       don't know how long he expected us to be stuck on the riverside
       outskirts of Rouen, but I know that the cables got hauled up and
       turned end for end according to my satanic suggestion, put down
       again, and their very existence utterly forgotten, I believe,
       before a French river pilot came on board to take our ship down,
       empty as she came, into the Havre roads. You may think that this
       state of forced idleness favoured some advance in the fortunes of
       Almayer and his daughter. Yet it was not so. As if it were some
       sort of evil spell, my banjoist cabin-mate's interruption, as
       related above, had arrested them short at the point of that
       fateful sunset for many weeks together. It was always thus with
       this book, begun in '89 and finished in '94--with that shortest
       of all the novels which it was to be my lot to write. Between
       its opening exclamation calling Almayer to his dinner in his
       wife's voice and Abdullah's (his enemy) mental reference to the
       God of Islam--"The Merciful, the Compassionate"--which closes the
       book, there were to come several long sea passages, a visit (to
       use the elevated phraseology suitable to the occasion) to the
       scenes (some of them) of my childhood and the realisation of
       childhood's vain words, expressing a light-hearted and romantic
       whim.
       It was in 1868, when nine years old or thereabouts, that while
       looking at a map of Africa of the time and putting my finger on
       the blank space then representing the unsolved mystery of that
       continent, I said to myself with absolute assurance and an
       amazing audacity which are no longer in my character now:
       "When I grow up I shall go there."
       And of course I thought no more about it till after a quarter of
       a century or so an opportunity offered to go there--as if the sin
       of childish audacity were to be visited on my mature head. Yes.
       I did go there: there being the region of Stanley Falls which in
       '68 was the blankest of blank spaces on the earth's figured
       surface. And the MS. of "Almayer's Folly," carried about me as
       if it were a talisman or a treasure, went there too. That it
       ever came out of there seems a special dispensation of
       Providence; because a good many of my other properties,
       infinitely more valuable and useful to me, remained behind
       through unfortunate accidents of transportation. I call to mind,
       for instance, a specially awkward turn of the Congo between
       Kinchassa and Leopoldsville--more particularly when one had to
       take it at night in a big canoe with only half the proper number
       of paddlers. I failed in being the second white man on record
       drowned at that interesting spot through the upsetting of a
       canoe. The first was a young Belgian officer, but the accident
       happened some months before my time, and he, too, I believe, was
       going home; not perhaps quite so ill as myself--but still he was
       going home. I got round the turn more or less alive, though I
       was too sick to care whether I did or not, and, always with
       "Almayer's Folly" amongst my diminishing baggage, I arrived at
       that delectable capital Boma, where before the departure of the
       steamer which was to take me home I had the time to wish myself
       dead over and over again with perfect sincerity. At that date
       there were in existence only seven chapters of "Almayer's Folly,"
       but the chapter in my history which followed was that of a long,
       long illness and very dismal convalescence. Geneva, or more
       precisely the hydropathic establishment of Champel, is rendered
       for ever famous by the termination of the eighth chapter in the
       history of Almayer's decline and fall. The events of the ninth
       are inextricably mixed up with the details of the proper
       management of a waterside warehouse owned by a certain city firm
       whose name does not matter. But that work, undertaken to
       accustom myself again to the activities of a healthy existence,
       soon came to an end. The earth had nothing to hold me with for
       very long. And then that memorable story, like a cask of choice
       Madeira, got carried for three years to and fro upon the sea.
       Whether this treatment improved its flavour or not, of course I
       would not like to say. As far as appearance is concerned it
       certainly did nothing of the kind. The whole MS. acquired a
       faded look and an ancient, yellowish complexion. It became at
       last unreasonable to suppose that anything in the world would
       ever happen to Almayer and Nina. And yet something most unlikely
       to happen on the high seas was to wake them up from their state
       of suspended animation.
       What is it that Novalis says? "It is certain my conviction gains
       infinitely the moment another soul will believe in it." And what
       is a novel if not a conviction of our fellow-men's existence
       strong enough to take upon itself a form of imagined life clearer
       than reality and whose accumulated verisimilitude of selected
       episodes puts to shame the pride of documentary history?
       Providence which saved my MS. from the Congo rapids brought it to
       the knowledge of a helpful soul far out on the open sea. It
       would be on my part the greatest ingratitude ever to forget the
       sallow, sunken face and the deep-set, dark eyes of the young
       Cambridge man (he was a "passenger for his health" on board the
       good ship Torrens outward bound to Australia) who was the first
       reader of "Almayer's Folly"--the very first reader I ever had.
       "Would it bore you very much reading a MS. in a handwriting like
       mine?" I asked him one evening on a sudden impulse at the end of
       a longish conversation whose subject was Gibbon's History.
       Jacques (that was his name) was sitting in my cabin one stormy
       dog-watch below, after bringing me a book to read from his own
       travelling store.
       "Not at all," he answered with his courteous intonation and a
       faint smile. As I pulled a drawer open his suddenly aroused
       curiosity gave him a watchful expression. I wonder what he
       expected to see. A poem, maybe. All that's beyond guessing now.
       He was not a cold but a calm man, still more subdued by disease--
       a man of few words and of an unassuming modesty in general
       intercourse, but with something uncommon in the whole of his
       person which set him apart from the undistinguished lot of our
       sixty passengers. His eyes had a thoughtful introspective look.
       In his attractive reserved manner, and in a veiled sympathetic
       voice he asked:
       "What is this?" "It is a sort of tale," I answered with an
       effort. "It is not even finished yet. Nevertheless I would like
       to know what you think of it." He put the MS. in the breast-
       pocket of his jacket; I remember perfectly his thin brown fingers
       folding it lengthwise. "I will read it tomorrow," he remarked,
       seizing the door-handle, and then, watching the roll of the ship
       for a propitious moment, he opened the door and was gone. In the
       moment of his exit I heard the sustained booming of the wind, the
       swish of the water on the decks of the Torrens, and the subdued,
       as if distant, roar of the rising sea. I noted the growing
       disquiet in the great restlessness of the ocean, and responded
       professionally to it with the thought that at eight o'clock, in
       another half-hour or so at the furthest, the top-gallant sails
       would have to come off the ship.
       Next day, but this time in the first dog-watch, Jacques entered
       my cabin. He had a thick, woollen muffler round his throat and
       the MS. was in his hand. He tendered it to me with a steady look
       but without a word. I took it in silence. He sat down on the
       couch and still said nothing. I opened and shut a drawer under
       my desk, on which a filled-up log-slate lay wide open in its
       wooden frame waiting to be copied neatly into the sort of book I
       was accustomed to write with care, the ship's log-book. I turned
       my back squarely on the desk. And even then Jacques never
       offered a word. "Well, what do you say?" I asked at last. "Is
       it worth finishing?" This question expressed exactly the whole
       of my thoughts.
       "Distinctly," he answered in his sedate, veiled voice and then
       coughed a little.
       "Were you interested?" I inquired further almost in a whisper.
       "Very much!"
       In a pause I went on meeting instinctively the heavy rolling of
       the ship, and Jacques put his feet upon the couch. The curtain
       of my bed-place swung to and fro as it were a punkah, the
       bulkhead lamp circled in its gimbals, and now and then the cabin
       door rattled slightly in the gusts of wind. It was in latitude
       40 south, and nearly in the longitude of Greenwich, as far as I
       can remember, that these quiet rites of Almayer's and Nina's
       resurrection were taking place. In the prolonged silence it
       occurred to me that there was a good deal of retrospective
       writing in the story as far as it went. Was it intelligible in
       its action, I asked myself, as if already the story-teller were
       being born into the body of a seaman. But I heard on deck the
       whistle of the officer of the watch and remained on the alert to
       catch the order that was to follow this call to attention. It
       reached me as a faint, fierce shout to "Square the yards."
       "Aha!" I thought to myself, "a westerly blow coming on." Then I
       turned to my very first reader who, alas! was not to live long
       enough to know the end of the tale.
       "Now let me ask you one more thing: is the story quite clear to
       you as it stands?"
       He raised his dark, gentle eyes to my face and seemed surprised.
       "Yes! Perfectly."
       This was all I was to hear from his lips concerning the merits of
       "Almayer's Folly." We never spoke together of the book again. A
       long period of bad weather set in and I had no thoughts left but
       for my duties, whilst poor Jacques caught a fatal cold and had to
       keep close in his cabin. When we arrived in Adelaide the first
       reader of my prose went at once up-country, and died rather
       suddenly in the end, either in Australia or it may be on the
       passage while going home through the Suez Canal. I am not sure
       which it was now, and I do not think I ever heard precisely;
       though I made inquiries about him from some of our return
       passengers who, wandering about to "see the country" during the
       ship's stay in port, had come upon him here and there. At last
       we sailed, homeward bound, and still not one line was added to
       the careless scrawl of the many pages which poor Jacques had had
       the patience to read with the very shadows of Eternity gathering
       already in the hollows of his kind, steadfast eyes.
       The purpose instilled into me by his simple and final
       "Distinctly" remained dormant, yet alive to await its
       opportunity. I dare say I am compelled, unconsciously compelled,
       now to write volume after volume, as in past years I was
       compelled to go to sea voyage after voyage. Leaves must follow
       upon each other as leagues used to follow in the days gone by, on
       and on to the appointed end, which, being Truth itself, is One--
       one for all men and for all occupations.
       I do not know which of the two impulses has appeared more
       mysterious and more wonderful to me. Still, in writing, as in
       going to sea, I had to wait my opportunity. Let me confess here
       that I was never one of those wonderful fellows that would go
       afloat in a wash-tub for the sake of the fun, and if I may pride
       myself upon my consistency, it was ever just the same with my
       writing. Some men, I have heard, write in railway carriages, and
       could do it, perhaps, sitting cross-legged on a clothes-line; but
       I must confess that my sybaritic disposition will not consent to
       write without something at least resembling a chair. Line by
       line, rather than page by page, was the growth of "Almayer's
       Folly."
       And so it happened that I very nearly lost the MS., advanced now
       to the first words of the ninth chapter, in the Friedrichstrasse
       railway station (that's in Berlin, you know), on my way to
       Poland, or more precisely to Ukraine. On an early, sleepy
       morning changing trains in a hurry I left my Gladstone bag in a
       refreshment-room. A worthy and intelligent Koffertrager rescued
       it. Yet in my anxiety I was not thinking of the MS. but of all
       the other things that were packed in the bag.
       In Warsaw, where I spent two days, those wandering pages were
       never exposed to the light, except once, to candle-light, while
       the bag lay open on a chair. I was dressing hurriedly to dine at
       a sporting club. A friend of my childhood (he had been in the
       Diplomatic Service, but had turned to growing wheat on paternal
       acres, and we had not seen each other for over twenty years) was
       sitting on the hotel sofa waiting to carry me off there.
       "You might tell me something of your life while you are
       dressing," he suggested kindly.
       I do not think I told him much of my life-story either then or
       later. The talk of the select little party with which he made me
       dine was extremely animated and embraced most subjects under
       heaven, from big-game shooting in Africa to the last poem
       published in a very modernist review, edited by the very young
       and patronised by the highest society. But it never touched upon
       "Almayer's Folly," and next morning, in uninterrupted obscurity,
       this inseparable companion went on rolling with me in the south-
       east direction towards the Government of Kiev.
       At that time there was an eight-hours' drive, if not more, from
       the railway station to the country house which was my
       destination.
       "Dear boy" (these words were always written in English), so ran
       the last letter from that house received in London,--"Get
       yourself driven to the only inn in the place, dine as well as you
       can, and some time in the evening my own confidential servant,
       factotum and major-domo, a Mr. V.S. (I warn you he is of noble
       extraction), will present himself before you, reporting the
       arrival of the small sledge which will take you here on the next
       day. I send with him my heaviest fur, which I suppose with such
       overcoats as you may have with you will keep you from freezing on
       the road."
       Sure enough, as I was dining, served by a Hebrew waiter, in an
       enormous barn-like bedroom with a freshly painted floor, the door
       opened and, in a travelling costume of long boots, big sheep-skin
       cap and a short coat girt with a leather belt, the Mr. V.S. (of
       noble extraction), a man of about thirty-five, appeared with an
       air of perplexity on his open and moustachioed countenance. I
       got up from the table and greeted him in Polish, with, I hope,
       the right shade of consideration demanded by his noble blood and
       his confidential position. His face cleared up in a wonderful
       way. It appeared that, notwithstanding my uncle's earnest
       assurances, the good fellow had remained in doubt of our
       understanding each other. He imagined I would talk to him in
       some foreign language. I was told that his last words on getting
       into the sledge to come to meet me shaped an anxious exclamation:
       "Well! Well! Here I am going, but God only knows how I am to
       make myself understood to our master's nephew."
       We understood each other very well from the first. He took
       charge of me as if I were not quite of age. I had a delightful
       boyish feeling of coming home from school when he muffled me up
       next morning in an enormous bear-skin travelling-coat and took
       his seat protectively by my side. The sledge was a very small
       one and it looked utterly insignificant, almost like a toy behind
       the four big bays harnessed two and two. We three, counting the
       coachman, filled it completely. He was a young fellow with clear
       blue eyes; the high collar of his livery fur coat framed his
       cheery countenance and stood all round level with the top of his
       head.
       "Now, Joseph," my companion addressed him, "do you think we shall
       manage to get home before six?" His answer was that we would
       surely, with God's help, and providing there were no heavy drifts
       in the long stretch between certain villages whose names came
       with an extremely familiar sound to my ears. He turned out an
       excellent coachman with an instinct for keeping the road amongst
       the snow-covered fields and a natural gift of getting the best
       out of his horses.
       "He is the son of that Joseph that I suppose the Captain
       remembers. He who used to drive the Captain's late grandmother
       of holy memory," remarked V.S. busy tucking fur rugs about my
       feet.
       I remembered perfectly the trusty Joseph who used to drive my
       grandmother. Why! he it was who let me hold the reins for the
       first time in my life and allowed me to play with the great four-
       in-hand whip outside the doors of the coach-house.
       "What became of him?" I asked. "He is no longer serving, I
       suppose."
       "He served our master," was the reply. "But he died of cholera
       ten years ago now--that great epidemic we had. And his wife died
       at the same time--the whole houseful of them, and this is the
       only boy that was left."
       The MS. of "Almayer's Folly" was reposing in the bag under our
       feet.
       I saw again the sun setting on the plains as I saw it in the
       travels of my childhood. It set, clear and red, dipping into the
       snow in full view as if it were setting on the sea. It was
       twenty-three years since I had seen the sun set over that land;
       and we drove on in the darkness which fell swiftly upon the livid
       expanse of snows till, out of the waste of a white earth joining
       a bestarred sky, surged up black shapes, the clumps of trees
       about a village of the Ukrainian plain. A cottage or two glided
       by, a low interminable wall and then, glimmering and winking
       through a screen of fir-trees, the lights of the master's house.
       That very evening the wandering MS. of "Almayer's Folly" was
       unpacked and unostentatiously laid on the writing-table in my
       room, the guest-room which had been, I was informed in an
       affectedly careless tone, awaiting me for some fifteen years or
       so. It attracted no attention from the affectionate presence
       hovering round the son of the favourite sister.
       "You won't have many hours to yourself while you are staying with
       me, brother," he said--this form of address borrowed from the
       speech of our peasants being the usual expression of the highest
       good humour in a moment of affectionate elation. "I shall be
       always coming in for a chat."
       As a matter of fact we had the whole house to chat in, and were
       everlastingly intruding upon each other. I invaded the
       retirement of his study where the principal feature was a
       colossal silver inkstand presented to him on his fiftieth year by
       a subscription of all his wards then living. He had been
       guardian of many orphans of land-owning families from the three
       southern provinces--ever since the year 1860. Some of them had
       been my schoolfellows and playmates, but not one of them, girls
       or boys, that I know of has ever written a novel. One or two
       were older than myself--considerably older, too. One of them, a
       visitor I remember in my early years, was the man who first put
       me on horseback, and his four-horse bachelor turn-out, his
       perfect horsemanship and general skill in manly exercises was one
       of my earliest admirations. I seem to remember my mother looking
       on from a colonnade in front of the dining-room windows as I was
       lifted upon the pony, held, for all I know, by the very Joseph--
       the groom attached specially to my grandmother's service--who
       died of cholera. It was certainly a young man in a dark blue,
       tail-less coat and huge Cossack trousers, that being the livery
       of the men about the stables. It must have been in 1864, but
       reckoning by another mode of calculating time, it was certainly
       in the year in which my mother obtained permission to travel
       south and visit her family, from the exile into which she had
       followed my father. For that, too, she had had to ask
       permission, and I know that one of the conditions of that favour
       was that she should be treated exactly as a condemned exile
       herself. Yet a couple of years later, in memory of her eldest
       brother who had served in the Guards and dying early left hosts
       of friends and a loved memory in the great world of St.
       Petersburg, some influential personages procured for her this
       permission--it was officially called the "Highest Grace"--of a
       three months' leave from exile.
       This is also the year in which I first begin to remember my
       mother with more distinctness than a mere loving, wide-browed,
       silent, protecting presence, whose eyes had a sort of commanding
       sweetness; and I also remember the great gathering of all the
       relations from near and far, and the grey heads of the family
       friends paying her the homage of respect and love in the house of
       her favourite brother who, a few years later, was to take the
       place for me of both my parents.
       I did not understand the tragic significance of it all at the
       time, though indeed I remember that doctors also came. There
       were no signs of invalidism about her--but I think that already
       they had pronounced her doom unless perhaps the change to a
       southern climate could re-establish her declining strength. For
       me it seems the very happiest period of my existence. There was
       my cousin, a delightful quick-tempered little girl, some months
       younger than myself, whose life, lovingly watched over, as if she
       were a royal princess, came to an end with her fifteenth year.
       There were other children, too, many of whom are dead now, and
       not a few whose very names I have forgotten. Over all this hung
       the oppressive shadow of the great Russian Empire--the shadow
       lowering with the darkness of a new-born national hatred fostered
       by the Moscow school of journalists against the Poles after the
       ill-omened rising of 1863.
       This is a far cry back from the MS. of "Almayer's Folly," but the
       public record of these formative impressions is not the whim of
       an uneasy egotism. These, too, are things human, already distant
       in their appeal. It is meet that something more should be left
       for the novelist's children than the colours and figures of his
       own hard-won creation. That which in their grown-up years may
       appear to the world about them as the most enigmatic side of
       their natures and perhaps must remain for ever obscure even to
       themselves, will be their unconscious response to the still voice
       of that inexorable past from which his work of fiction and their
       personalities are remotely derived.
       Only in men's imagination does every truth find an effective and
       undeniable existence. Imagination, not invention, is the supreme
       master of art as of life. An imaginative and exact rendering of
       authentic memories may serve worthily that spirit of piety
       towards all things human which sanctions the conceptions of a
       writer of tales, and the emotions of the man reviewing his own
       experience.
       Content of CHAPTER I [Joseph Conrad's book: Some Reminiscences]
       _