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Life on the Mississippi
Chapter 32. The Disposal of a Bonanza
Mark Twain
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       'Such was Ritter's narrative,' said I to my two friends. There was a profound and impressive silence, which lasted a considerable time; then both men broke into a fusillade of exciting and admiring ejaculations over the strange incidents of the tale; and this, along with a rattling fire of questions, was kept up until all hands were about out of breath. Then my friends began to cool down, and draw off, under shelter of occasional volleys, into silence and abysmal reverie. For ten minutes now, there was stillness. Then Rogers said dreamily--
       'Ten thousand dollars.'
       Adding, after a considerable pause--
       'Ten thousand. It is a heap of money.'
       Presently the poet inquired--
       'Are you going to send it to him right away?'
       'Yes,' I said. 'It is a queer question.'
       No reply. After a little, Rogers asked, hesitatingly:
       'All of it?--That is--I mean----'
       'Certainly, all of it.'
       I was going to say more, but stopped--was stopped by a train of thought which started up in me. Thompson spoke, but my mind was absent, and I did not catch what he said. But I heard Rogers answer--
       'Yes, it seems so to me. It ought to be quite sufficient; for I don't see that he has done anything.'
       Presently the poet said--
       'When you come to look at it, it is more than sufficient. Just look at it-- five thousand dollars! Why, he couldn't spend it in a lifetime! And it would injure him, too; perhaps ruin him--you want to look at that. In a little while he would throw his last away, shut up his shop, maybe take to drinking, maltreat his motherless children, drift into other evil courses, go steadily from bad to worse----'
       'Yes, that's it,' interrupted Rogers, fervently, 'I've seen it a hundred times--yes, more than a hundred. You put money into the hands of a man like that, if you want to destroy him, that's all; just put money into his hands, it's all you've got to do; and if it don't pull him down, and take all the usefulness out of him, and all the self-respect and everything, then I don't know human nature-- ain't that so, Thompson? And even if we were to give him a third of it; why, in less than six months--'
       'Less than six weeks, you'd better say!' said I, warming up and breaking in. 'Unless he had that three thousand dollars in safe hands where he couldn't touch it, he would no more last you six weeks than---- '
       'Of course he wouldn't,' said Thompson; 'I've edited books for that kind of people; and the moment they get their hands on the royalty-- maybe it's three thousand, maybe it's two thousand----'
       'What business has that shoemaker with two thousand dollars, I should like to know?' broke in Rogers, earnestly. 'A man perhaps perfectly contented now, there in Mannheim, surrounded by his own class, eating his bread with the appetite which laborious industry alone can give, enjoying his humble life, honest, upright, pure in heart; and blest!--yes, I say blest! blest above all the myriads that go in silk attire and walk the empty artificial round of social folly-- but just you put that temptation before him once! just you lay fifteen hundred dollars before a man like that, and say----'
       'Fifteen hundred devils!' cried I, 'five hundred would rot his principles, paralyze his industry, drag him to the rumshop, thence to the gutter, thence to the almshouse, thence to----'
       'Why put upon ourselves this crime, gentlemen?' interrupted the poet earnestly and appealingly. 'He is happy where he is, and as he is. Every sentiment of honor, every sentiment of charity, every sentiment of high and sacred benevolence warns us, beseeches us, commands us to leave him undisturbed. That is real friendship, that is true friendship. We could follow other courses that would be more showy; but none that would be so truly kind and wise, depend upon it.'
       After some further talk, it became evident that each of us, down in his heart, felt some misgivings over this settlement of the matter. It was manifest that we all felt that we ought to send the poor shoemaker something. There was long and thoughtful discussion of this point; and we finally decided to send him a chromo.
       Well, now that everything seemed to be arranged satisfactorily to everybody concerned, a new trouble broke out: it transpired that these two men were expecting to share equally in the money with me. That was not my idea. I said that if they got half of it between them they might consider themselves lucky. Rogers said--
       'Who would have had any if it hadn't been for me? I flung out the first hint-- but for that it would all have gone to the shoemaker.'
       Thompson said that he was thinking of the thing himself at the very moment that Rogers had originally spoken.
       I retorted that the idea would have occurred to me plenty soon enough, and without anybody's help. I was slow about thinking, maybe, but I was sure.
       This matter warmed up into a quarrel; then into a fight; and each man got pretty badly battered. As soon as I had got myself mended up after a fashion, I ascended to the hurricane deck in a pretty sour humor. I found Captain McCord there, and said, as pleasantly as my humor would permit--
       'I have come to say good-bye, captain. I wish to go ashore at Napoleon.'
       'Go ashore where?'
       'Napoleon.'
       The captain laughed; but seeing that I was not in a jovial mood, stopped that and said--
       'But are you serious?'
       'Serious? I certainly am.'
       The captain glanced up at the pilot-house and said--
       'He wants to get off at Napoleon!'
       'Napoleon ?'
       'That's what he says.'
       'Great Caesar's ghost!'
       Uncle Mumford approached along the deck. The captain said--
       'Uncle, here's a friend of yours wants to get off at Napoleon!'
       'Well, by ----?'
       I said--
       'Come, what is all this about? Can't a man go ashore at Napoleon if he wants to?'
       'Why, hang it, don't you know? There isn't any Napoleon any more. Hasn't been for years and years. The Arkansas River burst through it, tore it all to rags, and emptied it into the Mississippi!'
       'Carried the whole town away?-banks, churches, jails, newspaper-offices, court-house, theater, fire department, livery stable everything ?'
       'Everything. just a fifteen-minute job.' or such a matter. Didn't leave hide nor hair, shred nor shingle of it, except the fag-end of a shanty and one brick chimney. This boat is paddling along right now, where the dead-center of that town used to be; yonder is the brick chimney-all that's left of Napoleon. These dense woods on the right used to be a mile back of the town. Take a look behind you--up-stream--now you begin to recognize this country, don't you?'
       'Yes, I do recognize it now. It is the most wonderful thing I ever heard of; by a long shot the most wonderful--and unexpected.'
       Mr. Thompson and Mr. Rogers had arrived, meantime, with satchels and umbrellas, and had silently listened to the captain's news. Thompson put a half-dollar in my hand and said softly--
       'For my share of the chromo.'
       Rogers followed suit.
       Yes, it was an astonishing thing to see the Mississippi rolling between unpeopled shores and straight over the spot where I used to see a good big self-complacent town twenty years ago. Town that was county-seat of a great and important county; town with a big United States marine hospital; town of innumerable fights-- an inquest every day; town where I had used to know the prettiest girl, and the most accomplished in the whole Mississippi Valley; town where we were handed the first printed news of the 'Pennsylvania's' mournful disaster a quarter of a century ago; a town no more-- swallowed up, vanished, gone to feed the fishes; nothing left but a fragment of a shanty and a crumbling brick chimney!
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本书目录

The 'Body of the Nation'
Chapter 1. The River and Its History
Chapter 2. The River and Its Explorers
Chapter 3. Frescoes from the Past
Chapter 4. The Boys' Ambition
Chapter 5. I Want to be a Cub-pilot
Chapter 6. A Cub-pilot's Experience
Chapter 7. A Daring Deed
Chapter 8. Perplexing Lessons
Chapter 9. Continued Perplexities
Chapter 10. Completing My Education
Chapter 11. The River Rises
Chapter 12. Sounding
Chapter 13. A Pilot's Needs
Chapter 14. Rank and Dignity of Piloting
Chapter 15. The Pilots' Monopoly
Chapter 16. Racing Days
Chapter 17. Cut-offs and Stephen
Chapter 18. I Take a Few Extra Lessons
Chapter 19. Brown and I Exchange Compliments
Chapter 20. A Catastrophe
Chapter 21. A Section in My Biography
Chapter 22. I Return to My Muttons
Chapter 23. Traveling Incognito
Chapter 24. My Incognito is Exploded
Chapter 25. From Cairo to Hickman
Chapter 26. Under Fire
Chapter 27. Some Imported Articles
Chapter 28. Uncle Mumford Unloads
Chapter 29. A Few Specimen Bricks
Chapter 30. Sketches by the Way
Chapter 31. A Thumb-print and What Came of It
Chapter 32. The Disposal of a Bonanza
Chapter 33. Refreshments and Ethics
Chapter 34. Tough Yarns
Chapter 35. Vicksburg During the Trouble
Chapter 36. The Professor's Yarn
Chapter 37. The End of the 'Gold Dust'
Chapter 38. The House Beautiful
Chapter 39. Manufactures and Miscreants
Chapter 40. Castles and Culture
Chapter 41. The Metropolis of the South
Chapter 42. Hygiene and Sentiment
Chapter 43. The Art of Inhumation
Chapter 44. City Sights
Chapter 45. Southern Sports
Chapter 46. Enchantments and Enchanters
Chapter 47. Uncle Remus and Mr. Cable
Chapter 48. Sugar and Postage
Chapter 49. Episodes in Pilot Life
Chapter 50. The 'Original Jacobs'
Chapter 51. Reminiscences
Chapter 52. A Burning Brand
Chapter 53. My Boyhood's Home
Chapter 54. Past and Present
Chapter 55. A Vendetta and Other Things
Chapter 56. A Question of Law
Chapter 57. An Archangel
Chapter 58. On the Upper River
Chapter 59. Legends and Scenery
Chapter 60. Speculations and Conclusions
Appendix A
Appendix B
Appendix C
Appendix D