_ CHAPTER LX. POLITICS
"In course; I sez to ma--why, Lord bless me, it must have been three or four years ago--that 'twould all turn out so. What's rotten will come to pieces, ma, sez I. Every year she sez to me, sez she, why ain't the Newts failed yet? as you said they was going to. Jest you be quiet, sez I, ma, it's comin'. So 'twas. I know'd all about it."
President Van Boozenberg thus unburdened his mind and justified his vaticinations to the knot of gentlemen who were perpetually at the bank. They listened, and said ah! and yes, and shook their heads; and the shaky ones wondered whether the astute financier had marked them and had said to ma, sez he, that for all they looked so bright and crowded canvas so smartly, they are shaky, ma--shaky.
General Belch heard the news at his office. He was sitting on the end of his back-bone, which was supported on the two hind legs of a wooden chair, while the two fore legs and his own were lifted in the air. His own, however, went up at a more precipitate angle and rested with the feet apart upon the mantle. By a skillful muscular process the General ejected tobacco juice from his mouth, between his legs, and usually lodged it in the grate before him. It was evident, however, that many of his friends had not been so successful, for the grate, the hearth, and the neighboring floor were spotted with the fluid.
The Honorable Mr. Ele was engaged in conversation with his friend Belch, who was giving him instructions for the next Congressional session.
"You see, Ele, if we could only send something of the right stamp--the right stamp, I say, in the place of Watkins Bodley from the third district, we should be all right. Bodley is very uncertain."
"I know," returned the Honorable Mr. Ele, "Bodley is not sound. He has not the true party feeling. He is not willing to make sacrifices. And yet I think that--that--perhaps--"
He looked at General Belch inquiringly. That gentleman turned, beamed approval, and squirted a copious cascade.
"Exactly," said Mr. Ele, "I was saying that I think if Mr. Bodkins, who is a perfectly honorable man--"
"Oh, perfectly; nothing against his character. Besides, it's a free country, and every body may have his opinions," said General Belch.
"Precisely," resumed Mr. Ele, "as I was saying; being a perfectly honorable man--in fact, unusually honorable, I happen to know that he is in trouble--ahem! ahem! pecuniary trouble."
He paused a moment, while his friend of the military title looked hard at the grate, as if selecting a fair mark, then made a clucking noise, and drenched it completely. He then said, musingly,
"Yes, yes--ah yes--I see. It is a great pity. The best men get into such trouble. How much money did you say he wanted?"
"I said he was in pecuniary trouble," returned Mr. Ele, with a slight tone of correction.
"I understand, Mr. Ele," answered the other, a little pompously, and with an air of saying, "Know your place, Sir."
"I understand, and I wish to know how large a sum would relieve Mr. Bodley from his immediate pressure."
"I think about eight or nine thousand dollars. Perhaps a thousand more."
"I suppose," said General Belch, slowly, still looking into the blank, dismal grate, and rubbing his fat nose steadily with his fat forefinger and thumb, "I suppose that a man situated as Mr. Bodley is finds it very detrimental to his business to be engaged in public life, and might possibly feel it to be his duty to his family and creditors to resign his place, if he saw a promising way of righting his business, without depending upon the chances of a Congressional career."
As he drew to the end of this hypothetical harangue General Belch looked sideways at his companion to see if he probably understood him.
The Honorable Mr. Ele shook his head in turn, looked solemnly into the empty grate, and said, slowly and with gravity:
"The supposition might be entertained for the sake of the argument."
The General was apparently satisfied with this reply, for he continued:
"Let us, then, suppose that a sum of eight or nine thousand dollars having been raised--and Mr. Bodley having resigned--that a new candidate is to be selected who shall--who shall, in fact, serve his country from our point of view, who ought the man to be?"
"Precisely; who ought the man to be?" replied Mr. Ele.
The two gentlemen looked gravely into the grate. General Belch squirted reflectively. The Honorable Mr. Ele raised his hand and shaded his eyes, and gazed steadfastly, as if he expected to see the candidate emerge from the chimney. While they still sat thoughtfully a knock was heard at the door. The General started and brought down his chair with a crash. Mr. Ele turned sharply round, as if the candidate had taken him by surprise in coming in by the door.
A boy handed General Belch a note:
"MY DEAR BELCH,--B. Newt, Son, & Co. have stopped. We do not hear of an assignment, so desire you to take steps at once to secure judgment upon the inclosed account.
"Yours, PERIWING & BUDDBY."
"Hallo!" said General Belch, as the messenger retired, "old Newt's smashed! However, it's a great while since he has done any thing for the party.--By Jove!"
The last exclamation was sudden, as if he had been struck by a happy thought. He took a fresh quid in his mouth, and, putting his hands upon his knees, sat silently for five minutes, and then said,
"I have the man!"
"You have the man?" said Ele, looking at him with interest.
"Certainly. Look here!"
Mr. Ele did look, as earnestly as if he expected the General to take the man out of his pocket.
"You know we want to get the grant, at any rate. If we only have men who see from our point of view, we are sure of it. I think I know a man who can be persuaded to look at the matter from that point--a man who may be of very great service to the party, if we can persuade him to see from our point of view."
"Who is that?" asked Mr. Ele.
"Abel Newt," replied General Belch.
Mr. Ele seemed somewhat surprised.
"Oh--yes--ah--indeed. I did not know he was in political life," said he.
"He isn't," returned General Belch.
Mr. Ele looked for further instructions.
"Every body must begin," said Belch. "Look here. If we don't get this grant from Congress, what on earth is the use of having worked so long in this devilish old harness of politics? Haven't we been to primary meetings, and conventions, and elections, and all the other tomfoolery, speechifying and plotting and setting things right, and being bled, by Jupiter!--bled to the tune of more hundreds than I mean to lose; and now, just as we are where a bold push will save every thing, and make it worth while to have worked in the nasty mill so long, we must have our wits about us. Do you know Abel Newt?"
"No."
"I do. He is a gentleman without the slightest squeamishness. He is perfectly able to see things from particular points of view. He has great knowledge of the world, and he is a friend of the people, Sir. His politics are of the right kind," said General Belch, in a tone which seemed to be setting the tune for any future remarks Mr. Ele might have to make about Mr. Newt--at public meetings, for instance, or elsewhere.
"I am glad to hear he is a friend of the people," returned Mr. Ele.
"Yes, Sir, he is the consistent enemy of a purse-proud aristocracy, Sir."
"Exactly; purse-proud aristocracy," repeated Mr. Ele, as if conning a lesson by rote.
"Dandled in the lap of luxury, he does not hesitate to descend from it to espouse the immortal cause of popular rights."
"Popular rights," returned the Honorable Mr. Ele, studying his lesson.
"Animated by a glowing patriotism, he stands upon the people, and waves above his head the glorious flag of our country."
"Glorious flag of our country," responded the other.
"The undaunted enemy of monopoly, he is equally the foe of class legislation and the friend of State rights."
"Friend of State rights."
"Ahem!" said General Belch, looking blankly at Mr. Ele, "where was I?"
"Friend of State rights," parroted Mr. Ele.
"Exactly; oh yes! And if ever the glorious fabric of our country's--our country's--our country's--d---- it! our country's what, Mr. Ele?"
That honorable gentleman was engaged with his own thoughts while he followed with his tongue the words of his friend, so that, perhaps a little maliciously, perhaps a little unconsciously, he went on in the same wooden tone of repetition.
"D---- it! Our country's what, Mr. Ele?"
General Belch looked at his companion. They both smiled.
"How the old phrases sort o' slip out, don't they?" asked the General, squirting.
"They do," said Mr. Ele, taking snuff.
"Well, now, don't you see what kind of man Abel Newt is?"
"I do, indeed," replied Ele.
"I tell you, if you fellows from the city don't look out for yourselves, you'll find him riding upon your shoulders. He is a smart fellow. I am very sorry for Watkins Bodley. Any family?"
"Yes--a good deal," replied Mr. Ele, vaguely.
"Ah indeed! Pity! pity! I suppose, then, that a proper sense of what he owes to his family--eh?"
"Without question. Oh! certainly."
General Belch rose.
"I do not see, then, that we have any thing else that ought to detain you. I will see Mr. Newt, and let you know. Good-morning, Mr. Ele--good-morning, my dear Sir."
And the General bowed out the representative so imperatively that the Honorable B. Jawley Ele felt very much as if he had been kicked down stairs. _