The park
[Enter ARMADO and MOTH, his page.] ARMADO Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows
melancholy?
MOTH A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
ARMADO Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.
MOTH No, no; O Lord, sir, no!
ARMADO How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender
juvenal?
MOTH By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough signior.
ARMADO Why tough signior? Why tough signior?
MOTH Why tender juvenal? Why tender juvenal?
ARMADO I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton
appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender.
MOTH And I, tough signior, as an appertinent title to your old
time, which we may name tough.
ARMADO Pretty and apt.
MOTH How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt, and
my saying pretty?
ARMADO Thou pretty, because little.
MOTH Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
ARMADO And therefore apt, because quick.
MOTH Speak you this in my praise, master?
ARMADO In thy condign praise.
MOTH I will praise an eel with the same praise.
ARMADO That an eel is ingenious?
MOTH That an eel is quick.
ARMADO I do say thou art quick in answers; thou heat'st my blood.
MOTH I am answer'd, sir.
ARMADO I love not to be cross'd.
MOTH [Aside] He speaks the mere contrary: crosses love not him.
ARMADO I have promised to study three years with the Duke.
MOTH You may do it in an hour, sir.
ARMADO Impossible.
MOTH How many is one thrice told?
ARMADO I am ill at reck'ning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.
MOTH You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
ARMADO I confess both; they are both the varnish of a complete
man.
MOTH Then I am sure you know how much the gross sum of deuce-ace
amounts to.
ARMADO It doth amount to one more than two.
MOTH Which the base vulgar do call three.
ARMADO True.
MOTH Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here is three
studied ere ye'll thrice wink; and how easy it is to put 'years'
to the word 'three,' and study three years in two words, the
dancing horse will tell you.
ARMADO A most fine figure!
MOTH [Aside] To prove you a cipher.
ARMADO I will hereupon confess I am in love. And as it is base for
a soldier to love, so am I in love with a base wench. If drawing
my sword against the humour of affection would deliver me from
the reprobate thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and
ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devis'd curtsy. I
think scorn to sigh; methinks I should out-swear Cupid. Comfort
me, boy; what great men have been in love?
MOTH Hercules, master.
ARMADO Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name more;
and, sweet my child, let them be men of good repute and carriage.
MOTH Samson, master; he was a man of good carriage, great
carriage, for he carried the town gates on his back like a
porter; and he was in love.
ARMADO O well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do excel thee
in my rapier as much as thou didst me in carrying gates. I am in
love too. Who was Samson's love, my dear Moth?
MOTH A woman, master.
ARMADO Of what complexion?
MOTH Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the
four.
ARMADO Tell me precisely of what complexion.
MOTH Of the sea-water green, sir.
ARMADO Is that one of the four complexions?
MOTH As I have read, sir; and the best of them too.
ARMADO Green, indeed, is the colour of lovers; but to have a love
of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason for it. He
surely affected her for her wit.
MOTH It was so, sir; for she had a green wit.
ARMADO My love is most immaculate white and red.
MOTH Most maculate thoughts, master, are mask'd under such
colours.
ARMADO Define, define, well-educated infant.
MOTH My father's wit my mother's tongue assist me!
ARMADO Sweet invocation of a child; most pretty, and pathetical!
MOTH If she be made of white and red,
Her faults will ne'er be known;
For blushing cheeks by faults are bred,
And fears by pale white shown.
Then if she fear, or be to blame,
By this you shall not know;
For still her cheeks possess the same
Which native she doth owe.
A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of white and red.
ARMADO Is there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?
MOTH The world was very guilty of such a ballad some three ages
since; but I think now 'tis not to be found; or if it were, it
would neither serve for the writing nor the tune.
ARMADO I will have that subject newly writ o'er, that I may
example my digression by some mighty precedent. Boy, I do love
that country girl that I took in the park with the rational hind
Costard; she deserves well.
MOTH [Aside] To be whipt; and yet a better love than my master.
ARMADO Sing, boy; my spirit grows heavy in love.
MOTH And that's great marvel, loving a light wench.
ARMADO I say, sing.
MOTH Forbear till this company be past.
Enter DULL, COSTARD, and JAQUENETTA DULL Sir, the Duke's pleasure is that you keep Costard safe; and
you must suffer him to take no delight nor no penance; but 'a
must fast three days a week. For this damsel, I must keep her at
the park; she is allow'd for the day-woman. Fare you well.
ARMADO I do betray myself with blushing. Maid!
JAQUENETTA Man!
ARMADO I will visit thee at the lodge.
JAQUENETTA That's hereby.
ARMADO I know where it is situate.
JAQUENETTA Lord, how wise you are!
ARMADO I will tell thee wonders.
JAQUENETTA With that face?
ARMADO I love thee.
JAQUENETTA So I heard you say.
ARMADO And so, farewell.
JAQUENETTA Fair weather after you!
DULL Come, Jaquenetta, away.
Exit with JAQUENETTA ARMADO Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou be
pardoned.
COSTARD Well, sir, I hope when I do it I shall do it on a full
stomach.
ARMADO Thou shalt be heavily punished.
COSTARD I am more bound to you than your fellows, for they are but
lightly rewarded.
ARMADO Take away this villain; shut him up.
MOTH Come, you transgressing slave, away.
COSTARD Let me not be pent up, sir; I will fast, being loose.
MOTH No, sir; that were fast, and loose. Thou shalt to prison.
COSTARD Well, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation that I
have seen, some shall see.
MOTH What shall some see?
COSTARD Nay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon. It is
not for prisoners to be too silent in their words, and therefore
I will say nothing. I thank God I have as little patience as
another man, and therefore I can be quiet.
Exeunt MOTH and COSTARD ARMADO I do affect the very ground, which is base, where her shoe,
which is baser, guided by her foot, which is basest, doth tread.
I shall be forsworn- which is a great argument of falsehood- if I
love. And how can that be true love which is falsely attempted?
Love is a familiar; Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but
Love. Yet was Samson so tempted, and he had an excellent
strength; yet was Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit.
Cupid's butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules' club, and therefore
too much odds for a Spaniard's rapier. The first and second cause
will not serve my turn; the passado he respects not, the duello
he regards not; his disgrace is to be called boy, but his glory
is to subdue men. Adieu, valour; rust, rapier; be still, drum;
for your manager is in love; yea, he loveth. Assist me, some
extemporal god of rhyme, for I am sure I shall turn sonnet.
Devise, wit; write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.
Exit