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Light That Failed, The
CHAPTER 1
Rudyard Kipling
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       _ CHAPTER 1
       So we settled it all when the storm was done
       As comf'y as comf'y could be;
       And I was to wait in the barn, my dears,
       Because I was only three;
       And Teddy would run to the rainbow's foot,
       Because he was five and a man;
       And that's how it all began, my dears,
       And that's how it all began. -- Big Barn Stories.
       'WHAT do you think she'd do if she caught us? We oughtn't to have it,
       you know,' said Maisie.
       'Beat me, and lock you up in your bedroom,' Dick answered, without
       hesitation. 'Have you got the cartridges?'
       "Yes; they're in my pocket, but they are joggling horribly. Do pin-fire
       cartridges go off of their own accord?'
       'Don't know. Take the revolver, if you are afraid, and let me carry
       them.'
       "I'm not afraid.' Maisie strode forward swiftly, a hand in her pocket
       and her chin in the air. Dick followed with a small pin-fire revolver.
       The children had discovered that their lives would be unendurable
       without pistol-practice. After much forethought and self-denial, Dick
       had saved seven shillings and sixpence, the price of a badly constructed
       Belgian revolver. Maisie could only contribute half a crown to the
       syndicate for the purchase of a hundred cartridges. 'You can save better
       than I can, Dick,' she explained; 'I like nice things to eat, and it
       doesn't matter to you. Besides, boys ought to do these things.'
       Dick grumbled a little at the arrangement, but went out and made the
       purchase, which the children were then on their way to test. Revolvers
       did not lie in the scheme of their daily life as decreed for them by the
       guardian who was incorrectly supposed to stand in the place of a mother
       to these two orphans. Dick had been under her care for six years, during
       which time she had made her profit of the allowances supposed to be
       expended on his clothes, and, partly through thoughtlessness, partly
       through a natural desire to pain,--she was a widow of some years anxious
       to marry again,--had made his days burdensome on his young shoulders.
       Where he had looked for love, she gave him first aversion and then hate.
       Where he growing older had sought a little sympathy, she gave him
       ridicule. The many hours that she could spare from the ordering of her
       small house she devoted to what she called the home-training of Dick
       Heldar. Her religion, manufactured in the main by her own intelligence
       and a keen study of the Scriptures, was an aid to her in this matter. At
       such times as she herself was not personally displeased with Dick, she
       left him to understand that he had a heavy account to settle with his
       Creator; wherefore Dick learned to loathe his God as intensely as he
       loathed Mrs. Jennett; and this is not a wholesome frame of mind for the
       young. Since she chose to regard him as a hopeless liar, but an
       economical and self-contained one, never throwing away the least
       unnecessary fib, and never hesitating at the blackest, were it only
       plausible, that might make his life a little easier. The treatment
       taught him at least the power of living alone,--a power that was of
       service to him when he went to a public school and the boys laughed at
       his clothes, which were poor in quality and much mended. In the holidays
       he returned to the teachings of Mrs. Jennett, and, that the chain of
       discipline might not be weakened by association with the world, was
       generally beaten, on one account or another, before he had been twelve
       hours under her roof.
       The autumn of one year brought him a companion in bondage, a
       long-haired, gray-eyed little atom, as self-contained as himself, who
       moved about the house silently and for the first few weeks spoke only to
       the goat that was her chiefest friend on earth and lived in the
       back-garden. Mrs. Jennett objected to the goat on the grounds that he
       was un-Christian,--which he certainly was. 'Then,' said the atom,
       choosing her words very deliberately, 'I shall write to my
       lawyer-peoples and tell them that you are a very bad woman. Amomma is
       mine, mine, mine!' Mrs. Jennett made a movement to the hall, where
       certain umbrellas and canes stood in a rack. The atom understood as
       clearly as Dick what this meant. 'I have been beaten before,' she said,
       still in the same passionless voice; 'I have been beaten worse than you
       can ever beat me. If you beat me I shall write to my lawyer-peoples and
       tell them that you do not give me enough to eat. I am not afraid of
       you.' Mrs. Jennett did not go into the hall, and the atom, after a pause
       to assure herself that all danger of war was past, went out, to weep
       bitterly on Amomma's neck.
       Dick learned to know her as Maisie, and at first mistrusted her
       profoundly, for he feared that she might interfere with the small
       liberty of action left to him. She did not, however; and she volunteered
       no friendliness until Dick had taken the first steps. Long before the
       holidays were over, the stress of punishment shared in common drove the
       children together, if it were only to play into each other's hands as
       they prepared lies for Mrs. Jennett's use. When Dick returned to school,
       Maisie whispered, 'Now I shall be all alone to take care of myself;
       but,' and she nodded her head bravely, 'I can do it. You promised to
       send Amomma a grass collar. Send it soon.' A week later she asked for
       that collar by return of post, and wa not pleased when she learned that
       it took time to make. When at last Dick forwarded the gift, she forgot
       to thank him for it.
       Many holidays had come and gone since that day, and Dick had grown into
       a lanky hobbledehoy more than ever conscious of his bad clothes. Not for
       a moment had Mrs. Jennett relaxed her tender care of him, but the
       average canings of a public school--Dick fell under punishment about
       three times a month--filled him with contempt for her powers. 'She
       doesn't hurt,' he explained to Maisie, who urged him to rebellion, 'and
       she is kinder to you after she has whacked me.' Dick shambled through
       the days unkempt in body and savage in soul, as the smaller boys of the
       school learned to know, for when the spirit moved him he would hit them,
       cunningly and with science. The same spirit made him more than once try
       to tease Maisie, but the girl refused to be made unhappy. 'We are both
       miserable as it is,' said she. 'What is the use of trying to make things
       worse? Let's find things to do, and forget things.'
       The pistol was the outcome of that search. It could only be used on the
       muddiest foreshore of the beach, far away from the bathing-machines and
       pierheads, below the grassy slopes of Fort Keeling. The tide ran out
       nearly two miles on that coast, and the many-coloured mud-banks, touched
       by the sun, sent up a lamentable smell of dead weed. It was late in the
       afternoon when Dick and Maisie arrived on their ground, Amomma trotting
       patiently behind them.
       'Mf!' said Maisie, sniffing the air. 'I wonder what makes the sea so
       smelly? I don't like it!'
       'You never like anything that isn't made just for you,' said Dick
       bluntly. 'Give me the cartridges, and I'll try first shot. How far does
       one of these little revolvers carry?'
       'Oh, half a mile,' said Maisie, promptly. 'At least it makes an awful
       noise. Be careful with the cartridges; I don't like those jagged
       stick-up things on the rim. Dick, do be careful.'
       'All right. I know how to load. I'll fire at the breakwater out there.'
       He fired, and Amomma ran away bleating. The bullet threw up a spurt of
       mud to the right of the wood-wreathed piles.
       'Throws high and to the right. You try, Maisie. Mind, it's loaded all
       round.'
       Maisie took the pistol and stepped delicately to the verge of the mud,
       her hand firmly closed on the butt, her mouth and left eye screwed up.
       Dick sat down on a tuft of bank and laughed. Amomma returned very
       cautiously. He was accustomed to strange experiences in his afternoon
       walks, and, finding the cartridge-box unguarded, made investigations
       with his nose. Maisie fired, but could not see where the bullet went.
       'I think it hit the post,' she said, shading her eyes and looking out
       across the sailless sea.
       'I know it has gone out to the Marazion Bell-buoy,' said Dick, with a
       chuckle. 'Fire low and to the left; then perhaps you'll get it. Oh, look
       at Amomma!--he's eating the cartridges!'
       Maisie turned, the revolver in her hand, just in time to see Amomma
       scampering away from the pebbles Dick threw after him. Nothing is sacred
       to a billy-goat. Being well fed and the adored of his mistress, Amomma
       had naturally swallowed two loaded pin-fire cartridges. Maisie hurried
       up to assure herself that Dick had not miscounted the tale.
       'Yes, he's eaten two.'
       'Horrid little beast! Then they'll joggle about inside him and blow up,
       and serve him right. . . . Oh, Dick! have I killed you?'
       Revolvers are tricky things for young hands to deal with. Maisie could
       not explain how it had happened, but a veil of reeking smoke separated
       her from Dick, and she was quite certain that the pistol had gone off in
       his face. Then she heard him sputter, and dropped on her knees beside
       him, crying, 'Dick, you aren't hurt, are you? I didn't mean it.'
       'Of course you didn't, said Dick, coming out of the smoke and wiping his
       cheek. 'But you nearly blinded me. That powder stuff stings awfully.' A
       neat little splash of gray led on a stone showed where the bullet had
       gone. Maisie began to whimper.
       'Don't,' said Dick, jumping to his feet and shaking himself. 'I'm not a
       bit hurt.'
       'No, but I might have killed you,' protested Maisie, the corners of her
       mouth drooping. 'What should I have done then?'
       'Gone home and told Mrs. Jennett.' Dick grinned at the thought; then,
       softening, 'Please don't worry about it. Besides, we are wasting time.
       We've got to get back to tea. I'll take the revolver for a bit.'
       Maisie would have wept on the least encouragement, but Dick's
       indifference, albeit his hand was shaking as he picked up the pistol,
       restrained her. She lay panting on the beach while Dick methodically
       bombarded the breakwater. 'Got it at last!' he exclaimed, as a lock of
       weed flew from the wood.
       'Let me try,' said Maisie, imperiously. 'I'm all right now.'
       They fired in turns till the rickety little revolver nearly shook itself
       to pieces, and Amomma the outcast--because he might blow up at any
       moment--browsed in the background and wondered why stones were thrown at
       him. Then they found a balk of timber floating in a pool which was
       commanded by the seaward slope of Fort Keeling, and they sat down
       together before this new target.
       'Next holidays,' said Dick, as the now thoroughly fouled revolver kicked
       wildly in his hand, 'we'll get another pistol,--central fire,--that will
       carry farther.'
       'There won't b any next holidays for me,' said Maisie. 'I'm going away.'
       'Where to?'
       'I don't know. My lawyers have written to Mrs. Jennett, and I've got to
       be educated somewhere,--in France, perhaps,--I don't know where; but I
       shall be glad to go away.'
       'I shan't like it a bit. I suppose I shall be left. Look here, Maisie,
       is it really true you're going? Then these holidays will be the last I
       shall see anything of you; and I go back to school next week. I
       wish----'
       The young blood turned his cheeks scarlet. Maisie was picking
       grass-tufts and throwing them down the slope at a yellow sea-poppy
       nodding all by itself to the illimitable levels of the mud-flats and the
       milk-white sea beyond.
       'I wish,' she said, after a pause, 'that I could see you again sometime.
       You wish that, too?'
       'Yes, but it would have been better if--if--you had--shot straight over
       there--down by the breakwater.'
       Maisie looked with large eyes for a moment. And this was the boy who
       only ten days before had decorated Amomma's horns with cut-paper
       ham-frills and turned him out, a bearded derision, among the public
       ways! Then she dropped her eyes: this was not the boy.
       'Don't be stupid,' she said reprovingly, and with swift instinct
       attacked the side-issue. 'How selfish you are! Just think what I should
       have felt if that horrid thing had killed you! I'm quite miserable
       enough already.'
       'Why? Because you're going away from Mrs. Jennett?'
       'No.'
       'From me, then?'
       No answer for a long time. Dick dared not look at her. He felt, though
       he did not know, all that the past four years had been to him, and this
       the more acutely since he had no knowledge to put his feelings in words.
       'I don't know,' she said. 'I suppose it is.'
       'Maisie, you must know. I'm not supposing.'
       'Let's go home,' said Maisie, weakly.
       But Dick was not minded to retreat.
       'I can't say things,' he pleaded, 'and I'm awfully sorry for teasing you
       about Amomma the other day. It's all different now, Maisie, can't you
       see? And you might have told me that you were going, instead of leaving
       me to find out.'
       'You didn't. I did tell. Oh, Dick, what's the use of worrying?'
       'There isn't any; but we've been together years and years, and I didn't
       know how much I cared.'
       'I don't believe you ever did care.'
       'No, I didn't; but I do,--I care awfully now, Maisie,' he
       gulped,--'Maisie, darling, say you care too, please.'
       'I do, indeed I do; but it won't be any use.'
       'Why?'
       'Because I am going away.'
       'Yes, but if you promise before you go. Only say--will you?' A second
       'darling' came to his lips more easily than the first. There were few
       endearments in Dick's home or school life; he had to find them by
       instinct. Dick caught the little hand blackened with the escaped gas of
       the revolver.
       'I promise,' she said solemnly; 'but if I care there is no need for
       promising.'
       'And do you care?' For the first time in the past few minutes their eyes
       met and spoke for them who had no skill in speech. . . .
       'Oh, Dick, don't! Please don't! It was all right when we said
       good-morning; but now it's all different!' Amomma looked on from afar.
       He had seen his property quarrel frequently, but he had never seen
       kisses exchanged before. The yellow sea-poppy was wiser, and nodded its
       head approvingly. Considered as a kiss, that was a failure, but since it
       was the first, other than those demanded by duty, in all the world that
       either had ever given or taken, it opened to them new worlds, and every
       one of them glorious, so that they were lifted above the consideration
       of any worlds at all, especially those in which tea is necessary, and
       sat still, holding each other's hands and saying not a word.
       'You can't forget now,' said Dick, at last. There was that on his cheek
       that stung more than gunpowder.
       'I shouldn't have forgotten anyhow,' said Maisie, and they looked at
       each other and saw that each was changed from the companion of an hour
       ago to a wonder and a mystery they could not understand. The sun began
       to set, and a night-wind thrashed along the bents of the foreshore.
       'We shall be awfully late for tea,' said Maisie. 'Let's go home.'
       'Let's use the rest of the cartridges first,' said Dick; and he helped
       Maisie down the slope of the fort to the sea,--a descent that she was
       quite capable of covering at full speed. Equally gravely Maisie took the
       grimy hand. Dick bent forward clumsily; Maisie drew the hand away, and
       Dick blushed.
       'It's very pretty,' he said.
       'Pooh!' said Maisie, with a little laugh of gratified vanity. She stood
       close to Dick as he loaded the revolver for the last time and fired over
       the sea with a vague notion at the back of his head that he was
       protecting Maisie from all the evils in the world. A puddle far across
       the mud caught the last rays of the sun and turned into a wrathful red
       disc. The light held Dick's attention for a moment, and as he raised his
       revolver there fell upon him a renewed sense of the miraculous, in that
       he was standing by Maisie who had promised to care for him for an
       indefinite length of time till such date as---- A gust of the growing
       wind drove the girl's long black hair across his face as she stood with
       her hand on his shoulder calling Amomma 'a little beast,' and for a
       moment he was in the dark,--a darkness that stung. The bullet went
       singing out to the empty sea.
       'Spoilt my aim,' said he, shaking his head. 'There aren't any more
       cartridges; we shall have to run home.' But they did not run. They
       walked very slowly, arm in arm. And it was a matter of indifference to
       them whether the neglected Amomma with two pin-fire cartridges in his
       inside blew up or trotted beside them; for they had come into a golden
       heritage and were disposing of it with all the wisdom of all their
       years.
       'And I shall be----' quoth Dick, valiantly. Then he checked himself: 'I
       don't know what I shall be. I don't seem to be able to pass any exams,
       but I can make awful caricatures of the masters. Ho! Ho!'
       'Be an artist, then,' said Maisie. 'You're always laughing at my trying
       to draw; and it will do you good.'
       'I'll never laugh at anything you do,' he answered. 'I'll be an artist,
       and I'll do things.'
       'Artists always want money, don't they?'
       'I've got a hundred and twenty pounds a year of my own. My guardians
       tell me I'm to have it when I come of age. That will be enough to begin
       with.'
       'Ah, I'm rich,' said Maisie. 'I've got three hundred a year all my own
       when I'm twenty-one. That's why Mrs. Jennett is kinder to me than she is
       to you. I wish, though, that I had somebody that belonged to me,--just a
       father or a mother.'
       'You belong to me,' said Dick, 'for ever and ever.'
       'Yes, we belong--for ever. It's very nice.' She squeezed his arm. The
       kindly darkness hid them both, and, emboldened because he could only
       just see the profile of Maisie's cheek with the long lashes veiling the
       gray eyes, Dick at the front door delivered himself of the words he had
       been boggling over for the last two hours.
       'And I--love you, Maisie,' he said, in a whisper that seemed to him to
       ring across the world,--the world that he would to-morrow or the next
       day set out to conquer.
       There was a scene, not, for the sake of discipline, to be reported, when
       Mrs. Jennett would have fallen upon him, first for disgraceful
       unpunctuality, and secondly for nearly killing himself with a forbidden
       weapon.
       'I was playing with it, and it went off by itself,' said Dick, when the
       powder-pocked cheek could no longer be hidden, 'but if you think you're
       going to lick me you're wrong. You are never going to touch me again.
       Sit down and give me my tea. You can't cheat us out of that, anyhow.'
       Mrs. Jennett gasped and became livid. Maisie said nothing, but
       encouraged Dick with her eyes, and he behaved abominably all that
       evening. Mrs. Jennett prophesied an immediate judgment of Providence and
       a descent into Tophet later, but Dick walked in Paradise and would not
       hear. Only when he was going to bed Mrs. Jennett recovered and asserted
       herself. He had bidden Maisie good-night with down-dropped eyes and from
       a distance.
       'If you aren't a gentleman you might try to behave like one,' said Mrs.
       Jennett, spitefully. 'You've been quarrelling with Maisie again.'
       This meant that the usual good-night kiss had been omitted. Maisie,
       white to the lips, thrust her cheek forward with a fine air of
       indifference, and was duly pecked by Dick, who tramped out of the room
       red as fire. That night he dreamed a wild dream. He had won all the
       world and brought it to Maisie in a cartridge-box, but she turned it
       over with her foot, and, instead of saying 'Thank you,' cried--
       'Where is the grass collar you promised for Amomma? Oh, how selfish you
       are!'? _