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Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices, The
CHAPTER I
Charles Dickens
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       CHAPTER I
       In the autumn month of September, eighteen hundred and fifty-seven,
       wherein these presents bear date, two idle apprentices, exhausted
       by the long, hot summer, and the long, hot work it had brought with
       it, ran away from their employer. They were bound to a highly
       meritorious lady (named Literature), of fair credit and repute,
       though, it must be acknowledged, not quite so highly esteemed in
       the City as she might be. This is the more remarkable, as there is
       nothing against the respectable lady in that quarter, but quite the
       contrary; her family having rendered eminent service to many famous
       citizens of London. It may be sufficient to name Sir William
       Walworth, Lord Mayor under King Richard II., at the time of Wat
       Tyler's insurrection, and Sir Richard Whittington: which latter
       distinguished man and magistrate was doubtless indebted to the
       lady's family for the gift of his celebrated cat. There is also
       strong reason to suppose that they rang the Highgate bells for him
       with their own hands.
       The misguided young men who thus shirked their duty to the mistress
       from whom they had received many favours, were actuated by the low
       idea of making a perfectly idle trip, in any direction. They had
       no intention of going anywhere in particular; they wanted to see
       nothing, they wanted to know nothing, they wanted to learn nothing,
       they wanted to do nothing. They wanted only to be idle. They took
       to themselves (after HOGARTH), the names of Mr. Thomas Idle and Mr.
       Francis Goodchild; but there was not a moral pin to choose between
       them, and they were both idle in the last degree.
       Between Francis and Thomas, however, there was this difference of
       character: Goodchild was laboriously idle, and would take upon
       himself any amount of pains and labour to assure himself that he
       was idle; in short, had no better idea of idleness than that it was
       useless industry. Thomas Idle, on the other hand, was an idler of
       the unmixed Irish or Neapolitan type; a passive idler, a born-and-
       bred idler, a consistent idler, who practised what he would have
       preached if he had not been too idle to preach; a one entire and
       perfect chrysolite of idleness.
       The two idle apprentices found themselves, within a few hours of
       their escape, walking down into the North of England, that is to
       say, Thomas was lying in a meadow, looking at the railway trains as
       they passed over a distant viaduct--which was HIS idea of walking
       down into the North; while Francis was walking a mile due South
       against time--which was HIS idea of walking down into the North.
       In the meantime the day waned, and the milestones remained
       unconquered.
       'Tom,' said Goodchild, 'the sun is getting low. Up, and let us go
       forward!'
       'Nay,' quoth Thomas Idle, 'I have not done with Annie Laurie yet.'
       And he proceeded with that idle but popular ballad, to the effect
       that for the bonnie young person of that name he would 'lay him
       doon and dee'--equivalent, in prose, to lay him down and die.
       'What an ass that fellow was!' cried Goodchild, with the bitter
       emphasis of contempt.
       'Which fellow?' asked Thomas Idle.
       'The fellow in your song. Lay him doon and dee! Finely he'd show
       off before the girl by doing THAT. A sniveller! Why couldn't he
       get up, and punch somebody's head!'
       'Whose?' asked Thomas Idle.
       'Anybody's. Everybody's would be better than nobody's! If I fell
       into that state of mind about a girl, do you think I'd lay me doon
       and dee? No, sir,' proceeded Goodchild, with a disparaging
       assumption of the Scottish accent, 'I'd get me oop and peetch into
       somebody. Wouldn't you?'
       'I wouldn't have anything to do with her,' yawned Thomas Idle.
       'Why should I take the trouble?'
       'It's no trouble, Tom, to fall in love,' said Goodchild, shaking
       his head.
       'It's trouble enough to fall out of it, once you're in it,'
       retorted Tom. 'So I keep out of it altogether. It would be better
       for you, if you did the same.'
       Mr. Goodchild, who is always in love with somebody, and not
       unfrequently with several objects at once, made no reply. He
       heaved a sigh of the kind which is termed by the lower orders 'a
       bellowser,' and then, heaving Mr. Idle on his feet (who was not
       half so heavy as the sigh), urged him northward.
       These two had sent their personal baggage on by train: only
       retaining each a knapsack. Idle now applied himself to constantly
       regretting the train, to tracking it through the intricacies of
       Bradshaw's Guide, and finding out where it is now--and where now--
       and where now--and to asking what was the use of walking, when you
       could ride at such a pace as that. Was it to see the country? If
       that was the object, look at it out of the carriage windows. There
       was a great deal more of it to be seen there than here. Besides,
       who wanted to see the country? Nobody. And again, whoever did
       walk? Nobody. Fellows set off to walk, but they never did it.
       They came back and said they did, but they didn't. Then why should
       he walk? He wouldn't walk. He swore it by this milestone!
       It was the fifth from London, so far had they penetrated into the
       North. Submitting to the powerful chain of argument, Goodchild
       proposed a return to the Metropolis, and a falling back upon Euston
       Square Terminus. Thomas assented with alacrity, and so they walked
       down into the North by the next morning's express, and carried
       their knapsacks in the luggage-van.
       It was like all other expresses, as every express is and must be.
       It bore through the harvest country a smell like a large washing-
       day, and a sharp issue of steam as from a huge brazen tea-urn. The
       greatest power in nature and art combined, it yet glided over
       dangerous heights in the sight of people looking up from fields and
       roads, as smoothly and unreally as a light miniature plaything.
       Now, the engine shrieked in hysterics of such intensity, that it
       seemed desirable that the men who had her in charge should hold her
       feet, slap her hands, and bring her to; now, burrowed into tunnels
       with a stubborn and undemonstrative energy so confusing that the
       train seemed to be flying back into leagues of darkness. Here,
       were station after station, swallowed up by the express without
       stopping; here, stations where it fired itself in like a volley of
       cannon-balls, swooped away four country-people with nosegays, and
       three men of business with portmanteaus, and fired itself off
       again, bang, bang, bang! At long intervals were uncomfortable
       refreshment-rooms, made more uncomfortable by the scorn of Beauty
       towards Beast, the public (but to whom she never relented, as
       Beauty did in the story, towards the other Beast), and where
       sensitive stomachs were fed, with a contemptuous sharpness
       occasioning indigestion. Here, again, were stations with nothing
       going but a bell, and wonderful wooden razors set aloft on great
       posts, shaving the air. In these fields, the horses, sheep, and
       cattle were well used to the thundering meteor, and didn't mind; in
       those, they were all set scampering together, and a herd of pigs
       scoured after them. The pastoral country darkened, became coaly,
       became smoky, became infernal, got better, got worse, improved
       again, grew rugged, turned romantic; was a wood, a stream, a chain
       of hills, a gorge, a moor, a cathedral town, a fortified place, a
       waste. Now, miserable black dwellings, a black canal, and sick
       black towers of chimneys; now, a trim garden, where the flowers
       were bright and fair; now, a wilderness of hideous altars all a-
       blaze; now, the water meadows with their fairy rings; now, the
       mangy patch of unlet building ground outside the stagnant town,
       with the larger ring where the Circus was last week. The
       temperature changed, the dialect changed, the people changed, faces
       got sharper, manner got shorter, eyes got shrewder and harder; yet
       all so quickly, that the spruce guard in the London uniform and
       silver lace, had not yet rumpled his shirt-collar, delivered half
       the dispatches in his shiny little pouch, or read his newspaper.
       Carlisle! Idle and Goodchild had got to Carlisle. It looked
       congenially and delightfully idle. Something in the way of public
       amusement had happened last month, and something else was going to
       happen before Christmas; and, in the meantime there was a lecture
       on India for those who liked it--which Idle and Goodchild did not.
       Likewise, by those who liked them, there were impressions to be
       bought of all the vapid prints, going and gone, and of nearly all
       the vapid books. For those who wanted to put anything in
       missionary boxes, here were the boxes. For those who wanted the
       Reverend Mr. Podgers (artist's proofs, thirty shillings), here was
       Mr. Podgers to any amount. Not less gracious and abundant, Mr.
       Codgers also of the vineyard, but opposed to Mr. Podgers, brotherly
       tooth and nail. Here, were guide-books to the neighbouring
       antiquities, and eke the Lake country, in several dry and husky
       sorts; here, many physically and morally impossible heads of both
       sexes, for young ladies to copy, in the exercise of the art of
       drawing; here, further, a large impression of MR. SPURGEON, solid
       as to the flesh, not to say even something gross. The working
       young men of Carlisle were drawn up, with their hands in their
       pockets, across the pavements, four and six abreast, and appeared
       (much to the satisfaction of Mr. Idle) to have nothing else to do.
       The working and growing young women of Carlisle, from the age of
       twelve upwards, promenaded the streets in the cool of the evening,
       and rallied the said young men. Sometimes the young men rallied
       the young women, as in the case of a group gathered round an
       accordion-player, from among whom a young man advanced behind a
       young woman for whom he appeared to have a tenderness, and hinted
       to her that he was there and playful, by giving her (he wore clogs)
       a kick.
       On market morning, Carlisle woke up amazingly, and became (to the
       two Idle Apprentices) disagreeably and reproachfully busy. There
       were its cattle market, its sheep market, and its pig market down
       by the river, with raw-boned and shock-headed Rob Roys hiding their
       Lowland dresses beneath heavy plaids, prowling in and out among the
       animals, and flavouring the air with fumes of whiskey. There was
       its corn market down the main street, with hum of chaffering over
       open sacks. There was its general market in the street too, with
       heather brooms on which the purple flower still flourished, and
       heather baskets primitive and fresh to behold. With women trying
       on clogs and caps at open stalls, and 'Bible stalls' adjoining.
       With 'Doctor Mantle's Dispensary for the cure of all Human Maladies
       and no charge for advice,' and with Doctor Mantle's 'Laboratory of
       Medical, Chemical, and Botanical Science'--both healing
       institutions established on one pair of trestles, one board, and
       one sun-blind. With the renowned phrenologist from London, begging
       to be favoured (at sixpence each) with the company of clients of
       both sexes, to whom, on examination of their heads, he would make
       revelations 'enabling him or her to know themselves.' Through all
       these bargains and blessings, the recruiting-sergeant watchfully
       elbowed his way, a thread of War in the peaceful skein. Likewise
       on the walls were printed hints that the Oxford Blues might not be
       indisposed to hear of a few fine active young men; and that whereas
       the standard of that distinguished corps is full six feet, 'growing
       lads of five feet eleven' need not absolutely despair of being
       accepted.
       Scenting the morning air more pleasantly than the buried majesty of
       Denmark did, Messrs. Idle and Goodchild rode away from Carlisle at
       eight o'clock one forenoon, bound for the village of Hesket,
       Newmarket, some fourteen miles distant. Goodchild (who had already
       begun to doubt whether he was idle: as his way always is when he
       has nothing to do) had read of a certain black old Cumberland hill
       or mountain, called Carrock, or Carrock Fell; and had arrived at
       the conclusion that it would be the culminating triumph of Idleness
       to ascend the same. Thomas Idle, dwelling on the pains inseparable
       from that achievement, had expressed the strongest doubts of the
       expediency, and even of the sanity, of the enterprise; but
       Goodchild had carried his point, and they rode away.
       Up hill and down hill, and twisting to the right, and twisting to
       the left, and with old Skiddaw (who has vaunted himself a great
       deal more than his merits deserve; but that is rather the way of
       the Lake country), dodging the apprentices in a picturesque and
       pleasant manner. Good, weather-proof, warm, pleasant houses, well
       white-limed, scantily dotting the road. Clean children coming out
       to look, carrying other clean children as big as themselves.
       Harvest still lying out and much rained upon; here and there,
       harvest still unreaped. Well-cultivated gardens attached to the
       cottages, with plenty of produce forced out of their hard soil.
       Lonely nooks, and wild; but people can be born, and married, and
       buried in such nooks, and can live and love, and be loved, there as
       elsewhere, thank God! (Mr. Goodchild's remark.) By-and-by, the
       village. Black, coarse-stoned, rough-windowed houses; some with
       outer staircases, like Swiss houses; a sinuous and stony gutter
       winding up hill and round the corner, by way of street. All the
       children running out directly. Women pausing in washing, to peep
       from doorways and very little windows. Such were the observations
       of Messrs. Idle and Goodchild, as their conveyance stopped at the
       village shoemaker's. Old Carrock gloomed down upon it all in a
       very ill-tempered state; and rain was beginning.
       The village shoemaker declined to have anything to do with Carrock.
       No visitors went up Carrock. No visitors came there at all. Aa'
       the world ganged awa' yon. The driver appealed to the Innkeeper.
       The Innkeeper had two men working in the fields, and one of them
       should be called in, to go up Carrock as guide. Messrs. Idle and
       Goodchild, highly approving, entered the Innkeeper's house, to
       drink whiskey and eat oatcake.
       The Innkeeper was not idle enough--was not idle at all, which was a
       great fault in him--but was a fine specimen of a north-country man,
       or any kind of man. He had a ruddy cheek, a bright eye, a well-
       knit frame, an immense hand, a cheery, outspeaking voice, and a
       straight, bright, broad look. He had a drawing-room, too,
       upstairs, which was worth a visit to the Cumberland Fells. (This
       was Mr. Francis Goodchild's opinion, in which Mr. Thomas Idle did
       not concur.)
       The ceiling of this drawing-room was so crossed and recrossed by
       beams of unequal lengths, radiating from a centre, in a corner,
       that it looked like a broken star-fish. The room was comfortably
       and solidly furnished with good mahogany and horsehair. It had a
       snug fireside, and a couple of well-curtained windows, looking out
       upon the wild country behind the house. What it most developed
       was, an unexpected taste for little ornaments and nick-nacks, of
       which it contained a most surprising number. They were not very
       various, consisting in great part of waxen babies with their limbs
       more or less mutilated, appealing on one leg to the parental
       affections from under little cupping glasses; but, Uncle Tom was
       there, in crockery, receiving theological instructions from Miss
       Eva, who grew out of his side like a wen, in an exceedingly rough
       state of profile propagandism. Engravings of Mr. Hunt's country
       boy, before and after his pie, were on the wall, divided by a
       highly-coloured nautical piece, the subject of which had all her
       colours (and more) flying, and was making great way through a sea
       of a regular pattern, like a lady's collar. A benevolent, elderly
       gentleman of the last century, with a powdered head, kept guard, in
       oil and varnish, over a most perplexing piece of furniture on a
       table; in appearance between a driving seat and an angular knife-
       box, but, when opened, a musical instrument of tinkling wires,
       exactly like David's harp packed for travelling. Everything became
       a nick-nack in this curious room. The copper tea-kettle, burnished
       up to the highest point of glory, took his station on a stand of
       his own at the greatest possible distance from the fireplace, and
       said: 'By your leave, not a kettle, but a bijou.' The
       Staffordshire-ware butter-dish with the cover on, got upon a little
       round occasional table in a window, with a worked top, and
       announced itself to the two chairs accidentally placed there, as an
       aid to polite conversation, a graceful trifle in china to be
       chatted over by callers, as they airily trifled away the visiting
       moments of a butterfly existence, in that rugged old village on the
       Cumberland Fells. The very footstool could not keep the floor, but
       got upon a sofa, and there-from proclaimed itself, in high relief
       of white and liver-coloured wool, a favourite spaniel coiled up for
       repose. Though, truly, in spite of its bright glass eyes, the
       spaniel was the least successful assumption in the collection:
       being perfectly flat, and dismally suggestive of a recent mistake
       in sitting down on the part of some corpulent member of the family.
       There were books, too, in this room; books on the table, books on
       the chimney-piece, books in an open press in the corner. Fielding
       was there, and Smollett was there, and Steele and Addison were
       there, in dispersed volumes; and there were tales of those who go
       down to the sea in ships, for windy nights; and there was really a
       choice of good books for rainy days or fine. It was so very
       pleasant to see these things in such a lonesome by-place--so very
       agreeable to find these evidences of a taste, however homely, that
       went beyond the beautiful cleanliness and trimness of the house--so
       fanciful to imagine what a wonder a room must be to the little
       children born in the gloomy village--what grand impressions of it
       those of them who became wanderers over the earth would carry away;
       and how, at distant ends of the world, some old voyagers would die,
       cherishing the belief that the finest apartment known to men was
       once in the Hesket-Newmarket Inn, in rare old Cumberland--it was
       such a charmingly lazy pursuit to entertain these rambling thoughts
       over the choice oatcake and the genial whiskey, that Mr. Idle and
       Mr. Goodchild never asked themselves how it came to pass that the
       men in the fields were never heard of more, how the stalwart
       landlord replaced them without explanation, how his dog-cart came
       to be waiting at the door, and how everything was arranged without
       the least arrangement for climbing to old Carrock's shoulders, and
       standing on his head.
       Without a word of inquiry, therefore, the Two Idle Apprentices
       drifted out resignedly into a fine, soft, close, drowsy,
       penetrating rain; got into the landlord's light dog-cart, and
       rattled off through the village for the foot of Carrock. The
       journey at the outset was not remarkable. The Cumberland road went
       up and down like all other roads; the Cumberland curs burst out
       from backs of cottages and barked like other curs, and the
       Cumberland peasantry stared after the dog-cart amazedly, as long as
       it was in sight, like the rest of their race. The approach to the
       foot of the mountain resembled the approaches to the feet of most
       other mountains all over the world. The cultivation gradually
       ceased, the trees grew gradually rare, the road became gradually
       rougher, and the sides of the mountain looked gradually more and
       more lofty, and more and more difficult to get up. The dog-cart
       was left at a lonely farm-house. The landlord borrowed a large
       umbrella, and, assuming in an instant the character of the most
       cheerful and adventurous of guides, led the way to the ascent. Mr.
       Goodchild looked eagerly at the top of the mountain, and, feeling
       apparently that he was now going to be very lazy indeed, shone all
       over wonderfully to the eye, under the influence of the contentment
       within and the moisture without. Only in the bosom of Mr. Thomas
       Idle did Despondency now hold her gloomy state. He kept it a
       secret; but he would have given a very handsome sum, when the
       ascent began, to have been back again at the inn. The sides of
       Carrock looked fearfully steep, and the top of Carrock was hidden
       in mist. The rain was falling faster and faster. The knees of Mr.
       Idle--always weak on walking excursions--shivered and shook with
       fear and damp. The wet was already penetrating through the young
       man's outer coat to a brand-new shooting-jacket, for which he had
       reluctantly paid the large sum of two guineas on leaving town; he
       had no stimulating refreshment about him but a small packet of
       clammy gingerbread nuts; he had nobody to give him an arm, nobody
       to push him gently behind, nobody to pull him up tenderly in front,
       nobody to speak to who really felt the difficulties of the ascent,
       the dampness of the rain, the denseness of the mist, and the
       unutterable folly of climbing, undriven, up any steep place in the
       world, when there is level ground within reach to walk on instead.
       Was it for this that Thomas had left London? London, where there
       are nice short walks in level public gardens, with benches of
       repose set up at convenient distances for weary travellers--London,
       where rugged stone is humanely pounded into little lumps for the
       road, and intelligently shaped into smooth slabs for the pavement!
       No! it was not for the laborious ascent of the crags of Carrock
       that Idle had left his native city, and travelled to Cumberland.
       Never did he feel more disastrously convinced that he had committed
       a very grave error in judgment than when he found himself standing
       in the rain at the bottom of a steep mountain, and knew that the
       responsibility rested on his weak shoulders of actually getting to
       the top of it.
       The honest landlord went first, the beaming Goodchild followed, the
       mournful Idle brought up the rear. From time to time, the two
       foremost members of the expedition changed places in the order of
       march; but the rearguard never altered his position. Up the
       mountain or down the mountain, in the water or out of it, over the
       rocks, through the bogs, skirting the heather, Mr. Thomas Idle was
       always the last, and was always the man who had to be looked after
       and waited for. At first the ascent was delusively easy, the sides
       of the mountain sloped gradually, and the material of which they
       were composed was a soft spongy turf, very tender and pleasant to
       walk upon. After a hundred yards or so, however, the verdant scene
       and the easy slope disappeared, and the rocks began. Not noble,
       massive rocks, standing upright, keeping a certain regularity in
       their positions, and possessing, now and then, flat tops to sit
       upon, but little irritating, comfortless rocks, littered about
       anyhow, by Nature; treacherous, disheartening rocks of all sorts of
       small shapes and small sizes, bruisers of tender toes and trippers-
       up of wavering feet. When these impediments were passed, heather
       and slough followed. Here the steepness of the ascent was slightly
       mitigated; and here the exploring party of three turned round to
       look at the view below them. The scene of the moorland and the
       fields was like a feeble water-colour drawing half sponged out.
       The mist was darkening, the rain was thickening, the trees were
       dotted about like spots of faint shadow, the division-lines which
       mapped out the fields were all getting blurred together, and the
       lonely farm-house where the dog-cart had been left, loomed spectral
       in the grey light like the last human dwelling at the end of the
       habitable world. Was this a sight worth climbing to see? Surely--
       surely not!
       Up again--for the top of Carrock is not reached yet. The land-
       lord, just as good-tempered and obliging as he was at the bottom of
       the mountain. Mr. Goodchild brighter in the eyes and rosier in the
       face than ever; full of cheerful remarks and apt quotations; and
       walking with a springiness of step wonderful to behold. Mr. Idle,
       farther and farther in the rear, with the water squeaking in the
       toes of his boots, with his two-guinea shooting-jacket clinging
       damply to his aching sides, with his overcoat so full of rain, and
       standing out so pyramidically stiff, in consequence, from his
       shoulders downwards, that he felt as if he was walking in a
       gigantic extinguisher--the despairing spirit within him
       representing but too aptly the candle that had just been put out.
       Up and up and up again, till a ridge is reached and the outer edge
       of the mist on the summit of Carrock is darkly and drizzingly near.
       Is this the top? No, nothing like the top. It is an aggravating
       peculiarity of all mountains, that, although they have only one top
       when they are seen (as they ought always to be seen) from below,
       they turn out to have a perfect eruption of false tops whenever the
       traveller is sufficiently ill-advised to go out of his way for the
       purpose of ascending them. Carrock is but a trumpery little
       mountain of fifteen hundred feet, and it presumes to have false
       tops, and even precipices, as if it were Mont Blanc. No matter;
       Goodchild enjoys it, and will go on; and Idle, who is afraid of
       being left behind by himself, must follow. On entering the edge of
       the mist, the landlord stops, and says he hopes that it will not
       get any thicker. It is twenty years since he last ascended
       Carrock, and it is barely possible, if the mist increases, that the
       party may be lost on the mountain. Goodchild hears this dreadful
       intimation, and is not in the least impressed by it. He marches
       for the top that is never to be found, as if he was the Wandering
       Jew, bound to go on for ever, in defiance of everything. The
       landlord faithfully accompanies him. The two, to the dim eye of
       Idle, far below, look in the exaggerative mist, like a pair of
       friendly giants, mounting the steps of some invisible castle
       together. Up and up, and then down a little, and then up, and then
       along a strip of level ground, and then up again. The wind, a wind
       unknown in the happy valley, blows keen and strong; the rain-mist
       gets impenetrable; a dreary little cairn of stones appears. The
       landlord adds one to the heap, first walking all round the cairn as
       if he were about to perform an incantation, then dropping the stone
       on to the top of the heap with the gesture of a magician adding an
       ingredient to a cauldron in full bubble. Goodchild sits down by
       the cairn as if it was his study-table at home; Idle, drenched and
       panting, stands up with his back to the wind, ascertains distinctly
       that this is the top at last, looks round with all the little
       curiosity that is left in him, and gets, in return, a magnificent
       view of--Nothing!
       The effect of this sublime spectacle on the minds of the exploring
       party is a little injured by the nature of the direct conclusion to
       which the sight of it points--the said conclusion being that the
       mountain mist has actually gathered round them, as the landlord
       feared it would. It now becomes imperatively necessary to settle
       the exact situation of the farm-house in the valley at which the
       dog-cart has been left, before the travellers attempt to descend.
       While the landlord is endeavouring to make this discovery in his
       own way, Mr. Goodchild plunges his hand under his wet coat, draws
       out a little red morocco-case, opens it, and displays to the view
       of his companions a neat pocket-compass. The north is found, the
       point at which the farm-house is situated is settled, and the
       descent begins. After a little downward walking, Idle (behind as
       usual) sees his fellow-travellers turn aside sharply--tries to
       follow them--loses them in the mist--is shouted after, waited for,
       recovered--and then finds that a halt has been ordered, partly on
       his account, partly for the purpose of again consulting the
       compass.
       The point in debate is settled as before between Goodchild and the
       landlord, and the expedition moves on, not down the mountain, but
       marching straight forward round the slope of it. The difficulty of
       following this new route is acutely felt by Thomas Idle. He finds
       the hardship of walking at all greatly increased by the fatigue of
       moving his feet straight forward along the side of a slope, when
       their natural tendency, at every step, is to turn off at a right
       angle, and go straight down the declivity. Let the reader imagine
       himself to be walking along the roof of a barn, instead of up or
       down it, and he will have an exact idea of the pedestrian
       difficulty in which the travellers had now involved themselves. In
       ten minutes more Idle was lost in the distance again, was shouted
       for, waited for, recovered as before; found Goodchild repeating his
       observation of the compass, and remonstrated warmly against the
       sideway route that his companions persisted in following. It
       appeared to the uninstructed mind of Thomas that when three men
       want to get to the bottom of a mountain, their business is to walk
       down it; and he put this view of the case, not only with emphasis,
       but even with some irritability. He was answered from the
       scientific eminence of the compass on which his companions were
       mounted, that there was a frightful chasm somewhere near the foot
       of Carrock, called The Black Arches, into which the travellers were
       sure to march in the mist, if they risked continuing the descent
       from the place where they had now halted. Idle received this
       answer with the silent respect which was due to the commanders of
       the expedition, and followed along the roof of the barn, or rather
       the side of the mountain, reflecting upon the assurance which he
       received on starting again, that the object of the party was only
       to gain 'a certain point,' and, this haven attained, to continue
       the descent afterwards until the foot of Carrock was reached.
       Though quite unexceptionable as an abstract form of expression, the
       phrase 'a certain point' has the disadvantage of sounding rather
       vaguely when it is pronounced on unknown ground, under a canopy of
       mist much thicker than a London fog. Nevertheless, after the
       compass, this phrase was all the clue the party had to hold by, and
       Idle clung to the extreme end of it as hopefully as he could.
       More sideway walking, thicker and thicker mist, all sorts of points
       reached except the 'certain point;' third loss of Idle, third
       shouts for him, third recovery of him, third consultation of
       compass. Mr. Goodchild draws it tenderly from his pocket, and
       prepares to adjust it on a stone. Something falls on the turf--it
       is the glass. Something else drops immediately after--it is the
       needle. The compass is broken, and the exploring party is lost!
       It is the practice of the English portion of the human race to
       receive all great disasters in dead silence. Mr. Goodchild
       restored the useless compass to his pocket without saying a word,
       Mr. Idle looked at the landlord, and the landlord looked at Mr.
       Idle. There was nothing for it now but to go on blindfold, and
       trust to the chapter of chances. Accordingly, the lost travellers
       moved forward, still walking round the slope of the mountain, still
       desperately resolved to avoid the Black Arches, and to succeed in
       reaching the 'certain point.'
       A quarter of an hour brought them to the brink of a ravine, at the
       bottom of which there flowed a muddy little stream. Here another
       halt was called, and another consultation took place. The
       landlord, still clinging pertinaciously to the idea of reaching the
       'point,' voted for crossing the ravine, and going on round the
       slope of the mountain. Mr. Goodchild, to the great relief of his
       fellow-traveller, took another view of the case, and backed Mr.
       Idle's proposal to descend Carrock at once, at any hazard--the
       rather as the running stream was a sure guide to follow from the
       mountain to the valley. Accordingly, the party descended to the
       rugged and stony banks of the stream; and here again Thomas lost
       ground sadly, and fell far behind his travelling companions. Not
       much more than six weeks had elapsed since he had sprained one of
       his ankles, and he began to feel this same ankle getting rather
       weak when he found himself among the stones that were strewn about
       the running water. Goodchild and the landlord were getting farther
       and farther ahead of him. He saw them cross the stream and
       disappear round a projection on its banks. He heard them shout the
       moment after as a signal that they had halted and were waiting for
       him. Answering the shout, he mended his pace, crossed the stream
       where they had crossed it, and was within one step of the opposite
       bank, when his foot slipped on a wet stone, his weak ankle gave a
       twist outwards, a hot, rending, tearing pain ran through it at the
       same moment, and down fell the idlest of the Two Idle Apprentices,
       crippled in an instant.
       The situation was now, in plain terms, one of absolute danger.
       There lay Mr. Idle writhing with pain, there was the mist as thick
       as ever, there was the landlord as completely lost as the strangers
       whom he was conducting, and there was the compass broken in
       Goodchild's pocket. To leave the wretched Thomas on unknown ground
       was plainly impossible; and to get him to walk with a badly
       sprained ankle seemed equally out of the question. However,
       Goodchild (brought back by his cry for help) bandaged the ankle
       with a pocket-handkerchief, and assisted by the landlord, raised
       the crippled Apprentice to his legs, offered him a shoulder to lean
       on, and exhorted him for the sake of the whole party to try if he
       could walk. Thomas, assisted by the shoulder on one side, and a
       stick on the other, did try, with what pain and difficulty those
       only can imagine who have sprained an ankle and have had to tread
       on it afterwards. At a pace adapted to the feeble hobbling of a
       newly-lamed man, the lost party moved on, perfectly ignorant
       whether they were on the right side of the mountain or the wrong,
       and equally uncertain how long Idle would be able to contend with
       the pain in his ankle, before he gave in altogether and fell down
       again, unable to stir another step.
       Slowly and more slowly, as the clog of crippled Thomas weighed
       heavily and more heavily on the march of the expedition, the lost
       travellers followed the windings of the stream, till they came to a
       faintly-marked cart-track, branching off nearly at right angles, to
       the left. After a little consultation it was resolved to follow
       this dim vestige of a road in the hope that it might lead to some
       farm or cottage, at which Idle could be left in safety. It was now
       getting on towards the afternoon, and it was fast becoming more
       than doubtful whether the party, delayed in their progress as they
       now were, might not be overtaken by the darkness before the right
       route was found, and be condemned to pass the night on the
       mountain, without bit or drop to comfort them, in their wet
       clothes.
       The cart-track grew fainter and fainter, until it was washed out
       altogether by another little stream, dark, turbulent, and rapid.
       The landlord suggested, judging by the colour of the water, that it
       must be flowing from one of the lead mines in the neighbourhood of
       Carrock; and the travellers accordingly kept by the stream for a
       little while, in the hope of possibly wandering towards help in
       that way. After walking forward about two hundred yards, they came
       upon a mine indeed, but a mine, exhausted and abandoned; a dismal,
       ruinous place, with nothing but the wreck of its works and
       buildings left to speak for it. Here, there were a few sheep
       feeding. The landlord looked at them earnestly, thought he
       recognised the marks on them--then thought he did not--finally gave
       up the sheep in despair--and walked on just as ignorant of the
       whereabouts of the party as ever.
       The march in the dark, literally as well as metaphorically in the
       dark, had now been continued for three-quarters of an hour from the
       time when the crippled Apprentice had met with his accident. Mr.
       Idle, with all the will to conquer the pain in his ankle, and to
       hobble on, found the power rapidly failing him, and felt that
       another ten minutes at most would find him at the end of his last
       physical resources. He had just made up his mind on this point,
       and was about to communicate the dismal result of his reflections
       to his companions, when the mist suddenly brightened, and begun to
       lift straight ahead. In another minute, the landlord, who was in
       advance, proclaimed that he saw a tree. Before long, other trees
       appeared--then a cottage--then a house beyond the cottage, and a
       familiar line of road rising behind it. Last of all, Carrock
       itself loomed darkly into view, far away to the right hand. The
       party had not only got down the mountain without knowing how, but
       had wandered away from it in the mist, without knowing why--away,
       far down on the very moor by which they had approached the base of
       Carrock that morning.
       The happy lifting of the mist, and the still happier discovery that
       the travellers had groped their way, though by a very roundabout
       direction, to within a mile or so of the part of the valley in
       which the farm-house was situated, restored Mr. Idle's sinking
       spirits and reanimated his failing strength. While the landlord
       ran off to get the dog-cart, Thomas was assisted by Goodchild to
       the cottage which had been the first building seen when the
       darkness brightened, and was propped up against the garden wall,
       like an artist's lay figure waiting to be forwarded, until the dog-
       cart should arrive from the farm-house below. In due time--and a
       very long time it seemed to Mr. Idle--the rattle of wheels was
       heard, and the crippled Apprentice was lifted into the seat. As
       the dog-cart was driven back to the inn, the landlord related an
       anecdote which he had just heard at the farm-house, of an unhappy
       man who had been lost, like his two guests and himself, on Carrock;
       who had passed the night there alone; who had been found the next
       morning, 'scared and starved;' and who never went out afterwards,
       except on his way to the grave. Mr. Idle heard this sad story, and
       derived at least one useful impression from it. Bad as the pain in
       his ankle was, he contrived to bear it patiently, for he felt
       grateful that a worse accident had not befallen him in the wilds of
       Carrock.
       Content of CHAPTER I [Charles Dickens' novel: The Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices]
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