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King Henry IV Part I
act ii   Scene IV.
William Shakespeare
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       Eastcheap. The Boar's Head Tavern.
       Enter Prince and Poins.
       PRINCE
       Ned, prithee come out of that fat-room and lend me thy hand
       to laugh a little.
       POINS
       Where hast been, Hal?
       Prince,. With three or four loggerheads amongst three or
       fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very bass-string of
       humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers and
       can call them all by their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and
       Francis. They take it already upon their salvation that, though
       I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy; and tell
       me flatly I am no proud Jack like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a
       lad of mettle, a good boy (by the Lord, so they call me!), and
       when I am King of England I shall command all the good lads
       Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, dying scarlet; and when
       you breathe in your watering, they cry 'hem!' and bid you play it
       off. To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an
       hour that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during
       my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honour that thou
       wert not with me in this action. But, sweet Ned- to sweeten which
       name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapp'd even
       now into my hand by an under-skinker, one that never spake other
       English in his life than 'Eight shillings and sixpence,' and 'You
       are welcome,' with this shrill addition, 'Anon, anon, sir! Score
       a pint of bastard in the Half-moon,' or so- but, Ned, to drive
       away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee do thou stand in some
       by-room while I question my puny drawer to what end be gave me
       the sugar; and do thou never leave calling 'Francis!' that his
       tale to me may be nothing but 'Anon!' Step aside, and I'll show
       thee a precedent.
       POINS
       Francis!
       PRINCE
       Thou art perfect.
       POINS
       Francis!
       [Exit Poins.]
       Enter [Francis, a] Drawer.
       FRANCIS
       Anon, anon, sir.- Look down into the Pomgarnet, Ralph.
       PRINCE
       Come hither, Francis.
       FRANCIS
       My lord?
       PRINCE
       How long hast thou to serve, Francis?
       FRANCIS
       Forsooth, five years, and as much as to-
       POINS
       [within] Francis!
       FRANCIS
       Anon, anon, sir.
       PRINCE
       Five year! by'r Lady, a long lease for the clinking of
       Pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant as to play the
       coward with thy indenture and show it a fair pair of heels and
       run from it?
       FRANCIS
       O Lord, sir, I'll be sworn upon all the books in England I
       could find in my heart-
       POINS
       [within] Francis!
       FRANCIS
       Anon, sir.
       PRINCE
       How old art thou, Francis?
       FRANCIS
       Let me see. About Michaelmas next I shall be-
       POINS
       [within] Francis!
       FRANCIS
       Anon, sir. Pray stay a little, my lord.
       PRINCE
       Nay, but hark you, Francis. For the sugar thou gavest me-
       'twas a pennyworth, wast not?
       FRANCIS
       O Lord! I would it had been two!
       PRINCE
       I will give thee for it a thousand pound. Ask me when thou
       wilt, and, thou shalt have it.
       POINS
       [within] Francis!
       FRANCIS
       Anon, anon.
       PRINCE
       Anon, Francis? No, Francis; but to-morrow, Francis; or,
       Francis, a Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when thou wilt. But
       Francis-
       FRANCIS
       My lord?
       PRINCE
       Wilt thou rob this leathern-jerkin, crystal-button,
       not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter,
       smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch-
       FRANCIS
       O Lord, sir, who do you mean?
       PRINCE
       Why then, your brown bastard is your only drink; for look
       you, Francis, your white canvas doublet will sully. In Barbary,
       sir, it cannot come to so much.
       FRANCIS
       What, sir?
       POINS
       [within] Francis!
       PRINCE
       Away, you rogue! Dost thou not hear them call?
       Here they both call him. The Drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go.
       Enter Vintner.
       VINTNER
       What, stand'st thou still, and hear'st such a calling? Look
       to the guests within. [Exit Francis.] My lord, old Sir John, with
       half-a-dozen more, are at the door. Shall I let them in?
       PRINCE
       Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.
       [Exit Vintner.]
       Poins!
       POINS
       [within] Anon, anon, sir.
       Enter Poins.
       PRINCE
       Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the
       door. Shall we be merry?
       POINS
       As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye; what cunning
       match have you made with this jest of the drawer? Come, what's
       the issue?
       PRINCE
       I am now of all humours that have showed themselves humours
       since the old days of goodman Adam to the pupil age of this
       present this twelve o'clock at midnight.
       [Enter Francis.]
       What's o'clock, Francis?
       FRANCIS
       Anon, anon, sir.
       [Exit.]
       PRINCE
       That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a
       parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is upstairs and
       downstairs, his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet
       of Percy's mind, the Hotspur of the North; he that kills me some
       six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and
       says to his wife, 'Fie upon this quiet life! I want work.' 'O my
       sweet Harry,' says she, 'how many hast thou kill'd to-day?'
       'Give my roan horse a drench,' says he, and answers 'Some
       fourteen,' an hour after, 'a trifle, a trifle.' I prithee call in
       Falstaff. I'll play Percy, and that damn'd brawn shall play Dame
       Mortimer his wife. 'Rivo!' says the drunkard. Call in ribs, call
       in tallow.
       Enter Falstaff, [Gadshill, Bardolph, and Peto; Francis follows with wine].
       POINS
       Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been?
       FALSTAFF
       A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! Marry and
       amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ere I lead this life long, I'll
       sew nether-stocks, and mend them and foot them too. A plague of
       all cowards! Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue
       extant?
       He drinketh.
       PRINCE
       Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter?
       Pitiful-hearted butter, that melted at the sweet tale of the sun!
       If thou didst, then behold that compound.
       FALSTAFF
       You rogue, here's lime in this sack too! There is nothing but
       roguery to be found in villanous man. Yet a coward is worse than
       a cup of sack with lime in it- a villanous coward! Go thy ways,
       old Jack, die when thou wilt; if manhood, good manhood, be not
       forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring.
       There lives not three good men unhang'd in England; and one of
       them is fat, and grows old. God help the while! A bad world, I
       say. I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or anything. A
       plague of all cowards I say still!
       PRINCE
       How now, woolsack? What mutter you?
       FALSTAFF
       A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a
       dagger of lath and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock
       of wild geese, I'll never wear hair on my face more. You rince
       of Wales?
       PRINCE
       Why, you whoreson round man, what's the matter?
       FALSTAFF
       Are not you a coward? Answer me to that- and Poins there?
       POINS
       Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the
       Lord, I'll stab thee.
       FALSTAFF
       I call thee coward? I'll see thee damn'd ere I call thee
       coward, but I would give a thousand pound I could run as fast as
       thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders; you care
       not who sees Your back. Call you that backing of your friends? A
       plague upon such backing! Give me them that will face me. Give me
       a cup of sack. I am a rogue if I drunk to-day.
       PRINCE
       O villain! thy lips are scarce wip'd since thou drunk'st
       last.
       FALSTAFF
       All is one for that. (He drinketh.) A plague of all cowards
       still say I.
       PRINCE
       What's the matter?
       FALSTAFF
       What's the matter? There be four of us here have ta'en a
       thousand pound this day morning.
       PRINCE
       Where is it, Jack? Where is it?
       FALSTAFF
       Where is it, Taken from us it is. A hundred upon poor four of
       us!
       PRINCE
       What, a hundred, man?
       FALSTAFF
       I am a rogue if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them
       two hours together. I have scap'd by miracle. I am eight times
       thrust through the doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut
       through and through; my sword hack'd like a handsaw- ecce signum!
       I never dealt better since I was a man. All would not do. A
       plague of all cowards! Let them speak, If they speak more or less
       than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness.
       PRINCE
       Speak, sirs. How was it?
       GADSHILL
       We four set upon some dozen-
       FALSTAFF
       Sixteen at least, my lord.
       GADSHILL
       And bound them.
       PETO
       No, no, they were not bound.
       FALSTAFF
       You rogue, they were bound, every man of them, or I am a Jew
       else- an Ebrew Jew.
       GADSHILL
       As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men sea upon us-
       FALSTAFF
       And unbound the rest, and then come in the other.
       PRINCE
       What, fought you with them all?
       FALSTAFF
       All? I know not what you call all, but if I fought not with
       fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish! If there were not two or
       three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legg'd
       creature.
       PRINCE
       Pray God you have not murd'red some of them.
       FALSTAFF
       Nay, that's past praying for. I have pepper'd two of them. Two
       I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee
       what, Hal- if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse.
       Thou knowest my old ward. Here I lay, and thus I bore my point.
       Four rogues in buckram let drive at me.
       PRINCE
       What, four? Thou saidst but two even now.
       FALSTAFF
       Four, Hal. I told thee four.
       POINS
       Ay, ay, he said four.
       FALSTAFF
       These four came all afront and mainly thrust at me. I made me
       no more ado but took all their seven points in my target, thus.
       PRINCE
       Seven? Why, there were but four even now.
       FALSTAFF
       In buckram?
       POINS
       Ay, four, in buckram suits.
       FALSTAFF
       Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.
       PRINCE
       [aside to Poins] Prithee let him alone. We shall have more
       anon.
       FALSTAFF
       Dost thou hear me, Hal?
       PRINCE
       Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.
       FALSTAFF
       Do so, for it is worth the list'ning to. These nine in buckram
       that I told thee of-
       PRINCE
       So, two more already.
       FALSTAFF
       Their points being broken-
       POINS
       Down fell their hose.
       FALSTAFF
       Began to give me ground; but I followed me close, came in,
       foot and hand, and with a thought seven of the eleven I paid.
       PRINCE
       O monstrous! Eleven buckram men grown out of two!
       FALSTAFF
       But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in
       Kendal green came at my back and let drive at me; for it was so
       dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand.
       PRINCE
       These lies are like their father that begets them- gross as
       a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brain'd guts, thou
       knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch-
       FALSTAFF
       What, art thou mad? art thou mad? Is not the truth the truth?
       PRINCE
       Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green when
       it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? Come, tell us your
       reason. What sayest thou to this?
       POINS
       Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.
       FALSTAFF
       What, upon compulsion? Zounds, an I were at the strappado or
       all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion.
       Give you a reason on compulsion? If reasons were as plentiful as
       blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.
       PRINCE
       I'll be no longer guilty, of this sin; this sanguine
       coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill
       of flesh-
       FALSTAFF
       'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried
       neat's-tongue, you bull's sizzle, you stockfish- O for breath to
       utter what is like thee!- you tailor's yard, you sheath, you
       bowcase, you vile standing tuck!
       PRINCE
       Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again; and when thou
       hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.
       POINS
       Mark, Jack.
       PRINCE
       We two saw you four set on four, and bound them and were
       masters of their wealth. Mark now how a plain tale shall put you
       down. Then did we two set on you four and, with a word, outfac'd
       you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here
       in the house. And, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as
       nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roar'd for mercy, and still
       run and roar'd, as ever I heard bullcalf. What a slave art thou
       to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in
       fight! What trick, what device, what starting hole canst thou now
       find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?
       POINS
       Come, let's hear, Jack. What trick hast thou now?
       FALSTAFF
       By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why, hear
       you, my masters. Was it for me to kill the heir apparent? Should
       I turn upon the true prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as
       Hercules; but beware instinct. The lion will not touch the true
       prince. Instinct is a great matter. I was now a coward on
       instinct. I shall think the better of myself, and thee, during my
       life- I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by
       the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap to
       the doors. Watch to-night, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys,
       hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you!
       What, shall we be merry? Shall we have a play extempore?
       PRINCE
       Content- and the argument shall be thy running away.
       FALSTAFF
       Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me!
       Enter Hostess.
       HOSTESS
       O Jesu, my lord the Prince!
       PRINCE
       How now, my lady the hostess? What say'st thou to me?
       HOSTESS
       Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door
       would speak with you. He says he comes from your father.
       PRINCE
       Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him
       back again to my mother.
       FALSTAFF
       What manner of man is he?
       HOSTESS
       An old man.
       FALSTAFF
       What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall I give him
       his answer?
       PRINCE
       Prithee do, Jack.
       FALSTAFF
       Faith, and I'll send him packing.
       Exit.
       PRINCE
       Now, sirs. By'r Lady, you fought fair; so did you, Peto; so
       did you, Bardolph. You are lions too, you ran away upon instinct,
       you will not touch the true prince; no- fie!
       BARDOLPH
       Faith, I ran when I saw others run.
       PRINCE
       Tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff's sword so
       hack'd?
       PETO
       Why, he hack'd it with his dagger, and said he would swear
       truth out of England but he would make you believe it was done in
       fight, and persuaded us to do the like.
       BARDOLPH
       Yea, and to tickle our noses with speargrass to make them
       bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it and swear it
       was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year
       before- I blush'd to hear his monstrous devices.
       PRINCE
       O villain! thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago
       and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blush'd
       extempore. Thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou
       ran'st away. What instinct hadst thou for it?
       BARDOLPH
       My lord, do you see these meteors? Do you behold these
       exhalations?
       PRINCE
       I do.
       BARDOLPH
       What think you they portend?
       PRINCE
       Hot livers and cold purses.
       BARDOLPH
       Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.
       PRINCE
       No, if rightly taken, halter.
       Enter Falstaff.
       Here comes lean Jack; here comes bare-bone. How now, my sweet
       creature of bombast? How long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest
       thine own knee?
       FALSTAFF
       My own knee? When I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an
       eagle's talent in the waist; I could have crept into any
       alderman's thumb-ring. A plague of sighing and grief! It blows a
       man up like a bladder. There's villanous news abroad. Here was
       Sir John Bracy from your father. You must to the court in the
       morning. That same mad fellow of the North, Percy, and he of
       Wales that gave Amamon the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold,
       and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh
       hook- what a plague call you him?
       POINS
       O, Glendower.
       FALSTAFF
       Owen, Owen- the same; and his son-in-law Mortimer, and old
       Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that
       runs a-horseback up a hill perpendicular-
       PRINCE
       He that rides at high speed and with his pistol kills a
       sparrow flying.
       FALSTAFF
       You have hit it.
       PRINCE
       So did he never the sparrow.
       FALSTAFF
       Well, that rascal hath good metal in him; he will not run.
       PRINCE
       Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so for
       running!
       FALSTAFF
       A-horseback, ye cuckoo! but afoot he will not budge a foot.
       PRINCE
       Yes, Jack, upon instinct.
       FALSTAFF
       I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one
       Mordake, and a thousand bluecaps more. Worcester is stol'n away
       to-night; thy father's beard is turn'd white with the news; you
       may buy land now as cheap as stinking mack'rel.
       PRINCE
       Why then, it is like, if there come a hot June, and this
       civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy
       hobnails, by the hundreds.
       FALSTAFF
       By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like we shall have
       good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, art not thou horrible
       afeard? Thou being heir apparent, could the world pick thee out
       three such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that spirit
       Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou not horribly afraid?
       Doth not thy blood thrill at it?
       PRINCE
       Not a whit, i' faith. I lack some of thy instinct.
       FALSTAFF
       Well, thou wilt be horribly chid to-morrow when thou comest to
       thy father. If thou love file, practise an answer.
       PRINCE
       Do thou stand for my father and examine me upon the
       particulars of my life.
       FALSTAFF
       Shall I? Content. This chair shall be my state, this dagger my
       sceptre, and this cushion my, crown.
       PRINCE
       Thy state is taken for a join'd-stool, thy golden sceptre
       for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown for a pitiful
       bald crown.
       FALSTAFF
       Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt
       thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to make my eyes look red,
       that it may be thought I have wept; for I must speak in passion,
       and I will do it in King Cambyses' vein.
       PRINCE
       Well, here is my leg.
       FALSTAFF
       And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.
       HOSTESS
       O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith!
       FALSTAFF
       Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling tears are vain.
       HOSTESS
       O, the Father, how he holds his countenance!
       FALSTAFF
       For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful queen!
       For tears do stop the floodgates of her eyes.
       HOSTESS
       O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry players as
       ever I see!
       FALSTAFF
       Peace, good pintpot. Peace, good tickle-brain.- Harry, I do
       not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou
       art accompanied. For though the camomile, the more it is trodden
       on, the faster it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted, the
       sooner it wears. That thou art my son I have partly thy mother's
       word, partly my own opinion, but chiefly a villanous trick of
       thine eye and a foolish hanging of thy nether lip that doth
       warrant me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point: why,
       being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of
       heaven prove a micher and eat blackberries? A question not to be
       ask'd. Shall the son of England prove a thief and take purses? A
       question to be ask'd. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast
       often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name
       of pitch. This pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth defile;
       so doth the company thou keepest. For, Harry, now I do not speak
       to thee in drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion;
       not in words only, but in woes also: and yet there is a virtuous
       man whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his
       name.
       PRINCE
       What manner of man, an it like your Majesty?
       FALSTAFF
       A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful
       look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage; and, as I think,
       his age some fifty, or, by'r Lady, inclining to threescore; and
       now I remember me, his name is Falstaff. If that man should be
       lewdly, given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his
       looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit
       by the tree, then, peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in
       that Falstaff. Him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me now,
       thou naughty varlet, tell me where hast thou been this month?
       PRINCE
       Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I'll
       play my father.
       FALSTAFF
       Depose me? If thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically,
       both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a
       rabbit-sucker or a poulter's hare.
       PRINCE
       Well, here I am set.
       FALSTAFF
       And here I stand. Judge, my masters.
       PRINCE
       Now, Harry, whence come you?
       FALSTAFF
       My noble lord, from Eastcheap.
       PRINCE
       The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.
       FALSTAFF
       'Sblood, my lord, they are false! Nay, I'll tickle ye for a
       young prince, i' faith.
       PRINCE
       Swearest thou, ungracious boy? Henceforth ne'er look on me.
       Thou art violently carried away from grace. There is a devil
       haunts thee in the likeness of an old fat man; a tun of man is
       thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours,
       that bolting hutch of beastliness, that swoll'n parcel of
       dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuff'd cloakbag of
       guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly,
       that reverend vice, that grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that
       vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink
       it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it?
       wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein crafty, but in villany?
       wherein villanous, but in all things? wherein worthy, but in
       nothing?
       FALSTAFF
       I would your Grace would take me with you. Whom means your
       Grace?
       PRINCE
       That villanous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff,
       that old white-bearded Satan.
       FALSTAFF
       My lord, the man I know.
       PRINCE
       I know thou dost.
       FALSTAFF
       But to say I know more harm in him than in myself were to say
       more than I know. That he is old (the more the pity) his white
       hairs do witness it; but that he is (saving your reverence) a
       whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault,
       God help the wicked! If to be old and merry be a sin, then many
       an old host that I know is damn'd. If to be fat be to be hated,
       then Pharaoh's lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord.
       Banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins; but for sweet Jack
       Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack
       Falstaff, and therefore more valiant being, as he is, old Jack
       Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry's company, banish not him thy
       Harry's company. Banish plump Jack, and banish all the world!
       PRINCE
       I do, I will.
       [A knocking heard.]
       [Exeunt Hostess, Francis, and Bardolph.]
       Enter Bardolph, running.
       BARDOLPH
       O, my lord, my lord! the sheriff with a most monstrous watch
       is at the door.
       FALSTAFF
       Out, ye rogue! Play out the play. I have much to say in the
       behalf of that Falstaff.
       Enter the Hostess.
       HOSTESS
       O Jesu, my lord, my lord!
       PRINCE
       Heigh, heigh, the devil rides upon a fiddlestick!
       What's the matter?
       HOSTESS
       The sheriff and all the watch are at the door. They are come
       to search the house. Shall I let them in?
       FALSTAFF
       Dost thou hear, Hal? Never call a true piece of gold a
       counterfeit. Thou art essentially mad without seeming so.
       PRINCE
       And thou a natural coward without instinct.
       FALSTAFF
       I deny your major. If you will deny the sheriff, so; if not,
       let him enter. If I become not a cart as well as another man, a
       plague on my bringing up! I hope I shall as soon be strangled
       with a halter as another.
       PRINCE
       Go hide thee behind the arras. The rest walk, up above.
       Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience.
       FALSTAFF
       Both which I have had; but their date is out, and therefore
       I'll hide me.
       Exit.
       PRINCE
       Call in the sheriff.
       [Exeunt Manent the Prince and Peto.]
       Enter Sheriff and the Carrier.
       Now, Master Sheriff, what is your will with me?
       SHERIFF
       First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
       Hath followed certain men unto this house.
       PRINCE
       What men?
       SHERIFF
       One of them is well known, my gracious lord-
       A gross fat man.
       CARRIER
       As fat as butter.
       PRINCE
       The man, I do assure you, is not here,
       For I myself at this time have employ'd him.
       And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee
       That I will by to-morrow dinner time
       Send him to answer thee, or any man,
       For anything he shall be charg'd withal;
       And so let me entreat you leave the house.
       SHERIFF
       I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
       Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.
       PRINCE
       It may be so. If he have robb'd these men,
       He shall be answerable; and so farewell.
       SHERIFF
       Good night, my noble lord.
       PRINCE
       I think it is good morrow, is it not?
       SHERIFF
       Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock.
       Exit [with Carrier].
       PRINCE
       This oily rascal is known as well as Paul's. Go call him
       forth.
       PETO
       Falstaff! Fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a
       horse.
       PRINCE
       Hark how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.
       He searcheth his pockets and findeth certain papers.
       What hast thou found?
       PETO
       Nothing but papers, my lord.
       PRINCE
       Let's see whit they be. Read them.
       PETO
       [reads]
       'Item. A capon. . . . . . . . . . . . . ii s. ii d.
       Item, Sauce. . . . . . . . . . . . . . iiii d.
       Item, Sack two gallons . . . . . . . . v s. viii d.
       Item, Anchovies and sack after supper. ii s. vi d.
       Item, Bread. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ob.'
       PRINCE
       O monstrous! but one halfpennyworth of bread to this
       intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close; we'll
       read it at more advantage. There let him sleep till day. I'll to
       the court in the morning . We must all to the wars. and thy place
       shall be honourable. I'll procure this fat rogue a charge of
       foot; and I know, his death will be a march of twelve score. The
       money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes
       in the morning, and so good morrow, Peto.
       PETO
       Good morrow, good my lord.
       Exeunt.
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Dramatis Personae
act i
   Scene I.
   Scene II.
   Scene III.
act ii
   Scene I
   Scene II.
   Scene III.
   Scene IV.
act iii
   Scene I.
   Scene II.
   Scene III.
act iv
   Scene I.
   Scene II.
   Scene III.
   Scene IV.
act v
   Scene I.
   Scene II.
   Scene III.
   Scene IV.
   Scene V.