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The Amateur Gentleman
Chapter LXXIV. How The Duchess Made Up Her Mind, and Barnabas Did the Like
Jeffrey Farnol
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       "Gracious heavens--he's actually up--and dressed! Oh Lud, Barnabas, what does this mean?"
       Barnabas started and turned to find the Duchess regarding him from the doorway and, though her voice was sharp, her eyes were wonderfully gentle, and she had stretched out her hands to him. Therefore he crossed the room a little unsteadily, and taking those small hands in his, bent his head and kissed them reverently.
       "It means that, thanks to you, Duchess, I am well again and--"
       "And as pale as a goblin--no, I mean a ghost--trying to catch his death of cold at an open window too--I mean you, not the ghost! And as weak as--as a rabbit, and--oh, dear me, I can't shut it--the casement--drat it! Thank you, Barnabas. Dear heaven, I am so flurried--and even your boots on too! Let me sit down. Lud, Barnabas--how thin you are!"
       "But strong enough to go on my way--"
       "Way? What way? Which way?"
       "Home, Duchess."
       "Home, home indeed? You are home--this is your home. Ashleydown is yours now."
       "Yes," nodded Barnabas, "I suppose it is, but I shall never live here, I leave today. I am going home, but before I--"
       "Home? What home--which home?"
       "But before I do, I would thank you if I could, but how may I thank you for all your motherly care of me? Indeed, dear Duchess, I cannot, and yet--if words can--"
       "Pho!" exclaimed the Duchess, knitting her brows at him, but with eyes still ineffably soft and tender, "what do you mean by 'home,' pray?"
       "I am going back to my father and Natty Bell."
       "And to--that inn?"
       "Yes, Duchess. You see, there is not, there never was, there never shall be quite such another inn as the old 'Hound.'"
       "And you--actually mean to--live there?"
       "Yes, for a time, but--"
       "Ha--a publican!" exclaimed the Duchess and positively sniffed, though only as a really great lady may.
       "--there is a farm near by, I shall probably--"
       "Ha--a farmer!" snorted the Duchess.
       "--raise horses, madam, and with Natty Bell's assistance I hope--"
       "Horses!" cried the Duchess, and sniffed again. "Horses, indeed! Absurd! Preposterous! Quite ridiculous--hush, sir! I have some questions to ask you."
       "Well, Duchess?"
       "Firstly, sir, what of your dreams? What of London? What of Society?"
       "They were--only dreams," answered Barnabas; "in place of them I shall have--my father and Natty Bell."
       "Secondly, sir,--what of your fine ambitions?"
       "It will be my ambition, henceforth, to breed good horses, madam."
       "Thirdly, sir,--what of your money?"
       "I shall hope to spend it to much better purpose in the country than in the World of Fashion, Duchess."
       "Oh Lud, Barnabas,--what a selfish creature you are!"
       "Selfish, madam?"
       "A perfect--wretch!"
       "Wretch?" said Barnabas, staring.
       "Wretch!" nodded the Duchess, frowning, "and pray don't echo my words, sir. I say you are a preposterously selfish wretch, and--so you are!"
       "But, madam, why? What do you mean?"
       "I mean that you should try to forget yourself occasionally and think of others--me, for instance; look at me--a solitary old woman--in a wig!"
       "You, Duchess?"
       "Me, Barnabas. And this brings me to fourthly--what of me, sir? --what of me?"
       "But, madam, I--"
       "And this brings me to fifthly and sixthly and seventhly--my hopes, and dreams, and plans, sir--are they all to be broken, spoiled, ruined by your hatefully selfish whims, sir--hush, not a word!"
       "But, Duchess, indeed I don't--"
       "Hush, sir, and listen to me. There are days when my wig rebukes me, sir, and my rouge-pot stares me out of countenance; yes, indeed, I sometimes begin to feel almost--middle-aged and, at such times, I grow a little lonely. Heaven, sir, doubtless to some wise end, has always denied me that which is a woman's abiding joy or shame--I mean a child, sir, and as the years creep on, one is apt to be a little solitary, now and then, and at such times I feel the need of a son--so I have determined to adopt you, Barnabas--today! Now! This minute! Not a word, sir, my mind is made up!"
       "But," stammered Barnabas, "but, madam, I--I beg you to consider--my father--"
       "Is a publican and probably a sinner, Barnabas. I may be a sinner too, perhaps--y-e-s, I fear I am, occasionally. But then I am also a Duchess, and it is far wiser in a man to be the adopted son of a sinful Duchess than the selfish son of a sinful publican, yes indeed."
       "But I, madam, what can I say? Dear Duchess, I--the honor you would do me--" floundered poor Barnabas, "believe me if--if--"
       "Not another word!" the Duchess interposed, "it is quite settled. As my adopted son Society shall receive you on bended knees, with open arms--I'll see to that! All London shall welcome you, for though I'm old and wear a wig, I'm very much alive, and Society knows it. So no more talk of horses, or farms, or inns, Barnabas; my mind, as I say, is quite made up and--"
       "But, madam," said Barnabas gently, "so is mine."
       "Ha--indeed, sir--well?"
       "Well, madam, today I go to my father."
       "Ah!" sighed the Duchess.
       "Though indeed I thank you humbly for--your condescension."
       "Hum!" said the Duchess.
       "And honor you most sincerely for--for--"
       "Oh?" said the Duchess, softly.
       "And most truly love and reverence you for your womanliness."
       "Oh!" said the Duchess again, this time very softly indeed, and with her bright eyes more youthful than ever.
       "Nevertheless," pursued Barnabas a little ponderously, "my father is my father, and I count it more honorable to be his son than to live an amateur gentleman and the friend of princes."
       "Quite so," nodded the Duchess, "highly filial and very pious, oh, indeed, most righteous and laudable, but--there remains an eighthly, Barnabas."
       "And pray, madam, what may that be?"
       "What of Cleone?"
       Now when the Duchess said this, Barnabas turned away to the window and leaning his head in his hands, was silent awhile.
       "Cleone!" he sighed at last, "ah, yes--Cleone!"
       "You love her, I suppose?"
       "So much--so very much that she shall never marry an innkeeper's son, or a discredited--"
       "Bah!" exclaimed the Duchess.
       "Madam?"
       "Don't be so hatefully proud, Barnabas."
       "Proud, madam--I?"
       "Cruelly, wickedly, hatefully proud! Oh, dear me! what a superbly virtuous, heroic fool you are, Barnabas. When you met her at the crossroads, for instance--oh, I know all about it--when you had her there--in your arms, why didn't you--run off with her and marry her, as any ordinary human man would have done? Dear heaven, it would have been so deliciously romantic! And--such an easy way out of it!"
       "Yes," said Barnabas, beginning to frown, "so easy that it was--wrong!"
       "Quite so and fiddlesticks!" sniffed the Duchess.
       "Madam?"
       "Oh, sir, pray remember that one wrong may sometimes make two right! As it is, you will let your abominable pride--yes, pride! wreck and ruin two lives. Bah!" cried the Duchess very fiercely as she rose and turned to the door, "I've no patience with you!"
       "Ah, Duchess," said Barnabas, staying her with pleading hands, "can't you see--don't you understand? Were she, this proud lady, my wife, I must needs be haunted, day and night, by the fear that some day, soon or late, she would find me to be--not of her world--not the man she would have me, but only--the publican's son, after all. Now--don't you see why I dare not?"
       "Oh, Pride! Pride!" exclaimed the Duchess. "Do you expect her to come to you, then--would you have her go down on her knees to you, and--beg you to marry her?"
       Barnabas turned to the window again and stood there awhile staring blindly out beyond the swaying green of trees; when at last he spoke his voice was hoarse and there was a bitter smile upon his lips.
       "Yes, Duchess," said he slowly, "before such great happiness could be mine she must come to me, she must go down upon her knees--proud lady that she is--and beg this innkeeper's son to marry her. So you see, Duchess, I--shall never marry!"
       Now when at last Barnabas looked round, the Duchess had her back to him, nor did she turn even when she spoke.
       "Then you are going back--to your father?"
       "Yes, madam."
       "To-day?"
       "Yes, madam."
       "Then--good-by, Barnabas! And remember that even roses, like all things else, have a habit of fading, sooner or later." And thus, without even glancing at him, the Duchess went out of the room and closed the door softly behind her.
       Then Barnabas sank into a chair, like one that is very tired, and sat there lost in frowning thought, and with one hand clasped down upon his breast where hidden away in a clumsily contrived hiding-place a certain rose, even at that moment, was fading away. And in a while being summoned by Peterby, he sighed and, rising, went down to his solitary breakfast.
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Chapter I. In Which Babnabas Knocks Down His Father, Though as Dutifully as May Be
Chapter II. In Which is Much Unpleasing Matter Regarding Silk Purses, Sows' Ears, Men, and Gentlemen
Chapter III. How Barnabas Set Out for London Town
Chapter IV. How Barnabas Fell in with a Pedler of Books, and Purchased a "Priceless Wollum"
Chapter V. In Which the Historian Sees Fit to Introduce a Lady of Quality; and Further Narrates How Barnabas Tore a Wonderful Bottle-Green Coat
Chapter VI. Of the Bewitchment of Black Eyelashes; and of a Fateful Lace Handkerchief
Chapter VII. In Which May Be Found Divers Rules and Maxims for the Art of Bowing
Chapter VIII. Concerning the Captain's Arm, the Bosun's Leg, and the "Belisarius," Seventy-Four
Chapter IX. Which Concerns Itself, Among Other Matters, with the Virtues of a Pair of Stocks and the Perversity of Fathers
Chapter X. Which Describes a Peripatetic Conversation
Chapter XI. In Which Fists are Clenched; and of a Selfish Man, Who was an Apostle of Peace
Chapter XII. Of the Stranger's Tale, Which, Being Short, May Perhaps Meet with the Reader's Kind Approbation.
Chapter XIII. In Which Barnabas Makes a Confession
Chapter XIV. Concerning the Buttons of One Milo of Crotona
Chapter XV. In Which the Patient Reader May Learn Something of the Gentleman in the Jaunty Hat
Chapter XVI. In Which Barnabas Engages One Without a Character
Chapter XVII. In Which Barnabas Parts Company with the Person of Quality
Chapter XVIII. How Barnabas Came to Oakshott's Barn
Chapter XIX. Which Tells How Barnabas Talks with My Lady Cleone for the Second Time
Chapter XX. Of the Prophecy of One Billy Button, a Madman
Chapter XXI. In Which Barnabas Undertakes a Mission
Chapter XXII. In Which the Reader is Introduced to an Ancient Finger-Post
Chapter XXIII. How Barnabas Saved His Life--Because He was Afraid
Chapter XXIV. Which Relates Something of the "White Lion" at Tenterden
Chapter XXV. Of the Coachman's Story
Chapter XXVI. Concerning the Duties of a Valet--and a Man
Chapter XXVII. How Barnabas Bought an Unridable Horse--and Rode It
Chapter XXVIII. Concerning, Among Other Things, the Legs of a Gentleman-in-Powder
Chapter XXIX. Which Describes Something of the Misfortunes of Ronald Barrymaine
Chapter XXX. In Which Ronald Barrymaine Makes His Choice
Chapter XXXI. Which Describes Some of the Evils of Vindictiveness
Chapter XXXII. Of Corporal Richard Roe, Late of the Grenadiers; and Further ConcerninG Mr. Shrig's Little Reader
Chapter XXXIII. Concerning the Duty of Fathers; More Especially the Viscount's "Roman"
Chapter XXXIV. Of the Luck of Captain Slingsby, of the Guards
Chapter XXXV. How Barnabas Met Jasper Gaunt, and What Came of It
Chapter XXXVI. Of an Ethical Discussion, Which the Reader is Advised to Skip
Chapter XXXVII. In Which the Bo'sun Discourses on Love and Its Symptoms
Chapter XXXVIII. How Barnabas Climbed a Wall
Chapter XXXIX. In Which the Patient Reader is Introduced to an Almost Human Duchess
Chapter XL. Which Relates Sundry Happenings at the Garden Fete
Chapter XLI. In Which Barnabas Makes a Surprising Discovery, That May Not Surprise the Reader in the Least
Chapter XLII. In Which Shall Be Found Further Mention of a Finger-Post
Chapter XLIII. In Which Barnabas Makes a Bet, and Receives a Warning
Chapter XLIV. Of the Tribulations of the Legs of the Gentleman-in-Powder
Chapter XLV. How Barnabas Sought Counsel of the Duchess "Bo'sun?"
Chapter XLVI. Which Concerns Itself with Small Things in General, and a Pebble in Particular
Chapter XLVII. How Barnabas Found His Manhood
Chapter XLVIII. In Which "The Terror," Hitherto Known as "Four-Legs," Justifies His New Name
Chapter XLIX. Which, Being Somewhat Important, is Consequently Short
Chapter L. In Which Ronald Barrymaine Speaks His Mind
Chapter LI. Which Tells How and Why Mr. Shrig's Case was Spoiled
Chapter LII. Of a Breakfast, a Roman Parent, and a Kiss
Chapter LIII. In Which Shall Be Found Some Account of the Gentleman's Steeplechase
Chapter LIV. Which Concerns Itself Chiefly with a Letter
Chapter LV. Which Narrates Sundry Happenings at Oakshott's Barn
Chapter LVI. Of the Gathering of the Shadows
Chapter LVII. Being a Parenthetical Chapter on Doubt, Which, Though Uninteresting, is Very Short
Chapter LVIII. How Viscount Devenham Found Him a Viscountess
Chapter LIX. Which Relates, Among Other Things, How Barnabas Lost His Hat
Chapter LX. Which Tells of a Reconciliation
Chapter LXI. How Barnabas Went to His Triumph
Chapter LXII. Which Tells How Barnabas Triumphed in Spite of All
Chapter LXIII. Which Tells How Barnabas Heard the Ticking of a Clock
Chapter LXIV. Which Shows Something of the Horrors of Remorse
Chapter LXV. Which Tells How Barnabas Discharged His Valet
Chapter LXVI. Of Certain Conclusions Drawn by Mr. Shrig
Chapter LXVII. Which Gives Some Account of the Worst Place in the World
Chapter LXVIII. Concerning the Identity of Mr. Bimby's Guest
Chapter LXIX. How Barnabas Led a Hue and cry
Chapter LXX. Which Tells How Barnabas Rode Another Race
Chapter LXXI. Which Tells How Barnabas, in His Folly, Chose the Harder Course
Chapter LXXII. How Ronald Barreymaine Squared His Account
Chapter LXXIII. Which Recounts Three Awakenings
Chapter LXXIV. How The Duchess Made Up Her Mind, and Barnabas Did the Like
Chapter LXXV. Which Tells Why Barnabas Forgot His Breakfast
Chapter LXXVI. How the Viscount Proposed a Toast
Chapter LXXVII. How Barnabas Rode Homewards, and Took Counsel of a Pedler of Books
Chapter LXXVIII. Which Tells How Barnabas Came Home Again, and How He Awoke for the Fourth Time