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Scraps
The First Act Of A Comedy
Jane Austen
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       _ THE FIRST ACT OF A COMEDY
       CHARACTERS
       Popgun
       Maria
       Charles
       Pistolletta
       Postilion
       Hostess
       Chorus of ploughboys and trephon
       Cook and Chloe
       SCENE--AN INN
       ENTER Hostess, Charles, Maria, and Cook.
       Hostess to Maria) If the gentry in the Lion should want beds,
       shew them number 9.
       Maria) Yes Mistress.-- EXIT Maria
       Hostess to Cook) If their Honours in the Moon ask for the bill of
       fare, give it them.
       Cook) I wull, I wull. EXIT Cook.
       Hostess to Charles) If their Ladyships in the Sun ring their
       Bell--answerit.
       Charles) Yes Madam. EXEUNT Severally.
       SCENE CHANGES TO THE MOON, and discovers Popgun and Pistoletta.
       Pistoletta) Pray papa how far is it to London?
       Popgun) My Girl, my Darling, my favourite of all my Children, who
       art the picture of thy poor Mother who died two months ago, with
       whom I am going to Town to marry to Strephon, and to whom I mean
       to bequeath my whole Estate, it wants seven Miles.
       SCENE CHANGES TO THE SUN--
       ENTER Chloe and a chorus of ploughboys.
       Chloe) Where am I? At Hounslow.--Where go I? To London--. What
       to do? To be married--. Unto whom? Unto Strephon. Who is he?
       A Youth. Then I will sing a song.
       SONG
       I go to Town
       And when I come down,
       I shall be married to Streephon* [*Note the two e's]
       And that to me will be fun.
       Chorus) Be fun, be fun, be fun,
       And that to me will be fun.
       ENTER Cook--
       Cook) Here is the bill of fare.
       Chloe reads) 2 Ducks, a leg of beef, a stinking partridge, and a
       tart.--I will have the leg of beef and the partridge. EXIT Cook.
       And now I will sing another song.
       SONG--
       I am going to have my dinner,
       After which I shan't be thinner,
       I wish I had here Strephon
       For he would carve the partridge if it should
       be a tough one.
       Chorus)
       Tough one, tough one, tough one
       For he would carve the partridge if it
       Should be a tough one.
       EXIT Chloe and Chorus.--
       SCENE CHANGES TO THE INSIDE OF THE LION.
       Enter Strephon and Postilion.
       Streph:) You drove me from Staines to this place, from whence I
       mean to go to Town to marry Chloe. How much is your due?
       Post:) Eighteen pence.
       Streph:) Alas, my freind, I have but a bad guinea with which I
       mean to support myself in Town. But I will pawn to you an
       undirected Letter that I received from Chloe.
       Post:) Sir, I accept your offer.
       END OF THE FIRST ACT. _