_ CHAPTER XXI. ALL THERE WAS TO TELL
The custom in New Lindsey was that every Monday during the session of Parliament the Executive Council should meet at Government House, and, under the presidency of the Governor, formally ratify and adopt the arrangements as to the business of the coming week which its members had decided upon at their Cabinet meetings. It is to be hoped that, in these days, when we all take an interest in our Empire, everybody knows that the Executive Council is the outward, visible, and recognised form of that impalpable, unrecognised, all-powerful institution, the Cabinet, consisting in fact, though not in theory, of the same persons, save that the Governor is present when the meeting is of the Council, and absent when it is of the Cabinet--a difference of less moment than it sounds, seeing that, except in extreme cases, the Governor has little to do but listen to what is going to be done. However, forms doubtless have their value, and at any rate they must be observed, so on this Monday morning the Executive Council was to meet as usual, although nobody knew where the Cabinet would be that time twenty-four hours. Lady Eynesford, who wanted her husband to drive her out, thought the meeting under the circumstances mere nonsense--which it very likely was--and said so, which betrayed inexperience, and Alicia Derosne asked what time it took place.
"Eleven sharp," said the Governor, and returned to the account of the murder.
Time after time in the last few days Alicia had told herself that she could bear it no longer. At one moment she believed nothing, the next, nothing was too terrible for her to believe; now she would fly to Australia, or home, or anywhere out of New Lindsey; now a straightforward challenge to Medland alone would serve her turn. Sometimes she felt as if she could put the whole thing on one side; five minutes later found her pinning her whole life on the issue of it. Under her guarded face and calm demeanour, the storm of divided and conflicting instincts and passions raged, and long solitary rambles became a necessary outlet for what she dared show to none. She shrank from seeing Medland, and yet longed to speak with him; she felt that to mention the topic to him was impossible, and yet, if they met, inevitable; that she would not have strength to face him, and yet could not let him go without clearing up the mystery. She told herself at one moment that she hardly knew him, at the next that between them nothing could be too secret for utterance.
What she hoped and feared befell her that morning. She went out for a walk in the Park, and before long she met the Premier, with his daughter and Norburn. The two last were laughing and talking--their quarrel was quite forgotten now--and Medland himself, she thought, looked as though his load of care were a little less heavy. The two men explained that they were on their way--a roundabout way, they confessed--to the Council, and had seized the chance of some fresh air, while Daisy was full of stories about yesterday's triumph, that left room only for a passing reference to yesterday's tragedy.
"I didn't like him at all," she said; "but still it's dreadful--a man one knew ever so slightly!"
Alicia agreed, and the next instant she found herself practically alone with Medland; for Daisy ran off to pick a wild-flower that caught her eye in the wood, and Norburn followed her. Not knowing whether to be glad or sorry, she made no effort to escape, and was silent while Medland began to speak of his prospects in that evening's division.
Suddenly she paused in her walk and lifted her eyes to his.
"You look happier," she said.
Medland's conscience smote him: he was looking happier because the man was dead.
"It's at the prospect of being a free man to-morrow," he answered, with a smile. "You know, Cincinnatus was very happy."
"But you're not like that."
"No, I suppose not. Say it's----"
"Never mind."
After a pause she made another attempt.
"Mr. Medland!"
"Yes?"
"You've been very good to me--yes, very good."
He turned to her with a gesture of disclaimer. She thought he was going to speak, but he did not.
"Whatever happens, I shall always remember that with--with deep gratitude."
"What is going to happen?" he asked, with an uneasy smile.
"Oh, how can I?" she burst out. "How can I say it? How can I ask you?"
As she spoke she stopped, and he followed her example. They stood facing one another now, as he replied gravely,
"Whatever you ask--let it be what it will--I will answer, truthfully." A pause before the last word perhaps betrayed a momentary struggle.
"What right have I? Why should you?"
"The right my--my desire to have your regard gives you. How can I ask for that, unless I am ready to tell you all you can wish to know?"
"I have heard," she began falteringly, "I have been told by--by people who, I suppose, were right to tell me----"
In a moment he understood her. A slight twitch of his mouth betrayed his trouble, but he came to her rescue.
"I don't know how it reached you," he said. "Perhaps I think you might have been--you need not have known it. But there is only one thing you can have heard, that it would distress you to speak of."
She said nothing, but fixed her eyes on his.
"I am right?" he asked. "It is about--my wife?"
She bowed her head. He stood silent for a moment, and she cried,
"It was only gossip--a woman's gossip; I did wrong to listen to it."
"Gossip," he said, "is often true. This is true," and he set his lips.
The worst often finds or makes people calm. She had flushed at first, but the colour went again, and she said quietly,
"If you have time and don't mind, I should like to hear it all."
She had forgotten what this request must mean to him, or perhaps she thought the time for pretence had gone by. If so, he understood, for he answered,
"It's your right."
Her eyes sank to the ground, but she did not quarrel with his words. She stood motionless while he told his story. He spoke with wilful brevity and dryness.
"I was a young man when I met her. She was married, and I went to the house. Her husband----"
"Did he ill-treat her?"
"No. In his way, I suppose he was fond of her. But--she didn't like his way. She was very beautiful, and I fell in love with her, and she with me. And we ran away."
"Is--is that all? Is there no----?"
"No excuse? No, I suppose, none. And I lived with her till she died four years ago. And--Daisy is our daughter."
"And he--the husband?"
"He did not divorce her. I don't know why not, perhaps because she asked him to--anyhow he didn't. And he outlived her: so she died--as she had lived."
"And is he still alive?"
"No; he is dead now." He was about to go on, but checked himself. Why add that horror? How the man died was nothing between her and him.
"Have you no--nothing to say?" she burst out, almost angrily. "You just tell me that and stop!"
"What is there to say? I have told you all there is to tell. I loved her very much. I did what I could to make her happy, and I try to make up for it to Daisy. But there is nothing more to say."
She was angry that he would not defend himself. She was ready--ah, so ready!--to listen to his pleading. But he would not say a word for himself. Instead, he went on,
"She didn't want to come, but I made her. She repented, poor girl, all her life; she was never quite happy. It was all my doing. Still, I think she was happier with me, in spite of it."
A movement of impatience escaped from Alicia. Seeing it he added,
"I beg your pardon. I didn't want you to think hardly of her."
"I don't want to think of her at all. Was she--was she like Daisy?"
"Yes; but prettier."
"I don't know what you expect me to say," she exclaimed. "I know--I suppose some men don't think much of--of a thing like that. To me it is horrible. You simply followed your-- Ah, I can't speak of it!" and she seemed to put him from her with a gesture of disgust.
He walked beside her in silence, his face set in the bitter smile it always wore when fate dealt hardly with him.
"I think I'll go straight home," she said, stopping suddenly. "You can join the others."
"Yes, that will be best. I'm not due at the Council just yet."
"I suppose I ought to thank you for telling me the truth. I--" Her false composure suddenly gave way. With a sob she stretched out her hands towards him, crying, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" and before he could answer her she turned and walked swiftly away, leaving him standing still on the pathway.
She was hardly inside the gates of Government House when she saw Eleanor Scaife, who hurried to meet her.
"Only think, Alicia!" she cried. "Dick is on his way home, and with such good news. We've just had a cable from him."
"Coming back!"
"Yes. He's engaged! He met the Grangers on their tour round the world--you know them, the great cotton people?--at Sydney, and he's engaged to the youngest girl, Violet--you remember her? It all happened in a fortnight. Mary and Lord Eynesford are delighted. It's just perfect. She's very pretty, and tremendously well off. I do declare, I never thought Dick would end so well! What a happy thought it was sending him away! Aren't you delighted?"
"It sounds very nice, doesn't it? I don't think I knew her more than just to speak to."
"Dick'll be here in four days. I've been looking for you to tell you for the last hour. Where have you been?"
"In the Park."
"Alone, as usual, you hermit?"
"Well, I met the Medlands and Mr. Norburn, and talked to them for a little while."
"Alicia! But it's no use talking to you. Come and find Mary."
"No, Eleanor, I'm tired, and--and hot. I'll go to my room."
"Oh, you must come and see her first."
"I can't."
"She'll be hurt, Alicia. She'll think you don't care. Come, dear."
"Tell her--tell her I'm coming directly. Eleanor, you must let me go," and breaking away she fled into the house.
Eleanor went alone to seek Lady Eynesford. Somehow Alicia's words had quenched her high spirits for the moment.
"Poor child! I do hope she hasn't been foolish," she mused. "Surely after what Mary told her--! Oh dear, I'm afraid it isn't all as happy as it is about Dick!"
And then she indulged in some very cynical meditations on the advantages of being a person of shallow emotions and changeful fancies, until she was roused by the sight of Medland and Norburn walking up to the house, to attend the Executive Council. From the window she closely watched the Premier as he approached; her mood wavered to and fro, but at last she summed up her impressions by remarking,
"Well, I suppose one might." _