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Essay(s) by Grant Allen
Seven-Year Sleepers
Grant Allen
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       For many generations past that problematical animal, the toad-in-a-hole
       (literal, not culinary) has been one of the most familiar and
       interesting personages of contemporary folk-lore and popular natural
       history. From time to time he turns up afresh, with his own wonted
       perennial vigour, on paper at least, in company with the great
       sea-serpent, the big gooseberry, the shower of frogs, the two-headed
       calf, and all the other common objects of the country or the seaside in
       the silly season. No extraordinary natural phenomenon on earth was ever
       better vouched for--in the fashion rendered familiar to us by the
       Tichborne claimant--that is to say, no other could ever get a larger
       number of unprejudiced witnesses to swear positively and unreservedly in
       its favour. Unfortunately, however, swearing alone no longer settles
       causes off-hand, as if by show of hands, 'the Ayes have it,' after the
       fashion prevalent in the good old days when the whole Hundred used to
       testify that of its certain knowledge John Nokes did not commit such and
       such a murder; whereupon John Nokes was forthwith acquitted accordingly.
       Nowadays, both justice and science have become more exacting; they
       insist upon the unpleasant and discourteous habit of cross-examining
       their witnesses (as if they doubted them, forsooth!), instead of
       accepting the witnesses' own simple assertion that it's all right, and
       there's no need for making a fuss about it. Did you yourself see the
       block of stone in which the toad is said to have been found, before the
       toad himself was actually extracted? Did you examine it all round to
       make quite sure there was no hole, or crack, or passage in it anywhere?
       Did you satisfy yourself after the toad was released from his close
       quarters that no such hole, or crack, or passage had been dexterously
       closed up, with intent to deceive, by plaster, cement, or other
       artificial composition? Did you ever offer the workmen who found it a
       nominal reward--say five shillings--for the first perfectly unanswerable
       specimen of a genuine unadulterated antediluvian toad? Have you got the
       toad now present, and can you produce him here in court (on writ of
       _habeas corpus_ or otherwise), together with all the fragments of the
       stone or tree from which he was extracted? These are the disagreeable,
       prying, inquisitorial, I may even say insulting, questions with which a
       modern man of science is ready to assail the truthful and reputable
       gentlemen who venture to assert their discovery, in these degenerate
       days, of the ancient and unsophisticated toad-in-a-hole.
       Now, the worst of it is that the gentlemen in question, being unfamiliar
       with what is technically described as scientific methods of
       investigation, are very apt to lose their temper when thus
       cross-questioned, and to reply, after the fashion usually attributed to
       the female mind, with another question, whether the scientific person
       wishes to accuse them of downright lying. And as nothing on earth could
       be further from the scientific person's mind than such an imputation, he
       is usually fain in the end to give up the social pursuit of postprandial
       natural history (the subject generally crops up about the same time as
       the after-dinner coffee), and to let the prehistoric toad go on his own
       triumphant way, unheeded.
       As a matter of fact, nobody ever makes larger allowances for other
       people, in the estimate of their veracity, than the scientific
       inquirer. Knowing himself, by painful experience, how extremely
       difficult a matter it is to make perfectly sure you have observed
       anything on earth quite correctly, and have eliminated all possible
       chances of error, he acquires the fixed habit of doubting about one-half
       of whatever his fellow-creatures tell him in ordinary conversation,
       without for a single moment venturing to suspect them of deliberate
       untruthfulness. Children and servants, if they find that anything they
       have been told is erroneous, immediately jump at the conclusion that the
       person who told them meant deliberately to deceive them; in their own
       simple and categorical fashion they answer plumply, 'That's a lie.' But
       the man of science is only too well acquainted in his own person with
       the exceeding difficulty of ever getting at the exact truth. He has
       spent hours of toil, himself, in watching and observing the behaviour of
       some plant, or animal, or gas, or metal; and after repeated experiments,
       carefully designed to exclude all possibility of mistake, so far as he
       can foresee it, he at last believes he has really settled some moot
       point, and triumphantly publishes his final conclusions in a scientific
       journal. Ten to one, the very next number of that same journal contains
       a dozen supercilious letters from a dozen learned and high-salaried
       professors, each pointing out a dozen distinct and separate precautions
       which the painstaking observer neglected to take, and any one of which
       would be quite sufficient to vitiate the whole body of his observations.
       There might have been germs in the tube in which he boiled the water
       (germs are very fashionable just at present); or some of the germs might
       have survived and rather enjoyed the boiling; or they might have adhered
       to the under surface of the cork; or the mixture might have been
       tampered with during the experimenter's temporary absence by his son,
       aged ten years (scientific observers have no right, apparently, to have
       sons of ten years old, except perhaps for purposes of psychological
       research); and so forth, _ad infinitum_. And the worst of it all is that
       the unhappy experimenter is bound himself to admit that every one of the
       objections is perfectly valid, and that he very likely never really saw
       what with perfect confidence he thought and said he had seen.
       This being an unbelieving age, then, when even the book of Deuteronomy
       is 'critically examined,' let us see how much can really be said for and
       against our old friend, the toad-in-a-hole; and first let us begin with
       the antecedent probability, or otherwise, of any animal being able to
       live in a more or less torpid condition, without air or food, for any
       considerable period of time together.
       A certain famous historical desert snail was brought from Egypt to
       England as a conchological specimen in the year 1846. This particular
       mollusk (the only one of his race, probably, who ever attained to
       individual distinction), at the time of his arrival in London, was
       really alive and vigorous; but as the authorities of the British Museum,
       to whose tender care he was consigned, were ignorant of this important
       fact in his economy, he was gummed, mouth downward, on to a piece of
       cardboard, and duly labelled and dated with scientific accuracy, '_Helix
       desertorum_, March 25, 1846.' Being a snail of a retiring and contented
       disposition, however, accustomed to long droughts and corresponding naps
       in his native sand-wastes, our mollusk thereupon simply curled himself
       up into the topmost recesses of his own whorls, and went placidly to
       sleep in perfect contentment for an unlimited period. Every conchologist
       takes it for granted, of course, that the shells which he receives from
       foreign parts have had their inhabitants properly boiled and extracted
       before being exported; for it is only the mere outer shell or skeleton
       of the animal that we preserve in our cabinets, leaving the actual flesh
       and muscles of the creature himself to wither unobserved upon its
       native shores. At the British Museum the desert snail might have snoozed
       away his inglorious existence unsuspected, but for a happy accident
       which attracted public attention to his remarkable case in a most
       extraordinary manner. On March 7, 1850, nearly four years later, it was
       casually observed that the card on which he reposed was slightly
       discoloured; and this discovery led to the suspicion that perhaps a
       living animal might be temporarily immured within that papery tomb. The
       Museum authorities accordingly ordered our friend a warm bath (who shall
       say hereafter that science is unfeeling!), upon which the grateful
       snail, waking up at the touch of the familiar moisture, put his head
       cautiously out of his shell, walked up to the top of the basin, and
       began to take a cursory survey of British institutions with his four
       eye-bearing tentacles. So strange a recovery from a long torpid
       condition, only equalled by that of the Seven Sleepers of Ephesus,
       deserved an exceptional amount of scientific recognition. The desert
       snail at once awoke and found himself famous. Nay, he actually sat for
       his portrait to an eminent zoological artist, Mr. Waterhouse; and a
       woodcut from the sketch thus procured, with a history of his life and
       adventures, may be found even unto this day in Dr. Woodward's 'Manual of
       the Mollusca,' to witness if I lie.
       I mention this curious instance first, because it is the best
       authenticated case on record (so far as my knowledge goes) of any animal
       existing in a state of suspended animation for any long period of time
       together. But there are other cases of encysted or immured animals
       which, though less striking as regards the length of time during which
       torpidity has been observed, are much more closely analogous to the real
       or mythical conditions of the toad-in-a-hole. That curious West African
       mud-fish, the Lepidosiren (familiar to all readers of evolutionary
       literature as one of the most singular existing links between fish and
       amphibians), lives among the shallow pools and broads of the Gambia,
       which are dried up during the greater part of the tropical summer. To
       provide against this annual contingency, the mud-fish retires into the
       soft clay at the bottom of the pools, where it forms itself a sort of
       nest, and there hibernates, or rather aestivates, for months together, in
       a torpid condition. The surrounding mud then hardens into a dry ball;
       and these balls are dug out of the soil of the rice-fields by the
       natives, with the fish inside them, by which means many specimens of
       lepidosiren have been sent alive to Europe, embedded in their natural
       covering. Here the strange fish is chiefly prized as a zoological
       curiosity for aquariums, because of its possessing gills and lungs
       together, to fit it for its double existence; but the unsophisticated
       West Africans grub it up on their own account as a delicacy, regardless
       of its claims to scientific consideration as the earliest known ancestor
       of all existing terrestrial animals. Now, the torpid state of the
       mud-fish in his hardened ball of clay closely resembles the real or
       supposed condition of the toad-in-a-hole; but with one important
       exception. The mud-fish leaves a small canal or pipe open in his cell at
       either end to admit the air for breathing, though he breathes (as I
       shall proceed to explain) in a very slight degree during his aestivation;
       whereas every proper toad-in-a-hole ought by all accounts to live
       entirely without either feeding or breathing in any way. However, this
       is a mere detail; and indeed, if toads-in-a-hole do really exist at all,
       we must in all probability ultimately admit that they breathe to some
       extent, though perhaps very slightly, during their long immurement.
       And this leads us on to consider what in reality hibernation is.
       Everybody knows nowadays, I suppose, that there is a very close analogy
       between an animal and a steam-engine. Food is the fuel that makes the
       animal engine go; and this food acts almost exactly as coal does in the
       artificial machine. But coal alone will not drive an engine; a free
       draught of open air is also required in order to produce combustion.
       Just in like manner the food we eat cannot be utilised to drive our
       muscles and other organs unless it is supplied with oxygen from the air
       to burn it slowly inside our bodies. This oxygen is taken into the
       system, in all higher animals, by means of lungs or gills. Now, when we
       are working at all hard, we require a great deal of oxygen, as most of
       us have familiarly discovered (especially if we are somewhat stout) in
       the act of climbing hills or running to catch a train. But when we are
       doing very little work indeed, as in our sleeping hours, during which
       muscular movement is suspended, and only the general organic life
       continues, we breathe much more slowly and at longer intervals. However,
       there is this important difference (generally speaking) between an
       animal and a steam-engine. You can let the engine run short of coals and
       come to a dead standstill, without impairing its future possibilities of
       similar motion; you have only to get fresh coals, after weeks or months
       of inaction, and light up a fresh fire, when your engine will
       immediately begin to work again, exactly the same as before. But if an
       animal organism once fairly runs down, either from want of food or any
       other cause--in short, if it dies--it very seldom comes to life again.
       I say 'very seldom' on purpose, because there are a few cases among the
       extreme lower animals where a water-haunting creature can be taken out
       of the water and can be thoroughly dried and desiccated, or even kept
       for an apparently unlimited period wrapped up in paper or on the slide
       of a microscope; and yet, the moment a drop of water is placed on top of
       it, it begins to move and live again exactly as before. This sort of
       thorough-going suspended animation is the kind we ought to expect from
       any well-constituted and proper-minded toad-in-a-hole. Whether anything
       like it ever really occurs in the higher ranks of animal life, however,
       is a different question; but there can be no doubt that to some slight
       extent a body to all intents and purposes quite dead (physically
       speaking) by long immersion in water--a drowned man, for example--may
       really be resuscitated by heat and stimulants, applied immediately,
       provided no part of the working organism has been seriously injured or
       decomposed. Such people may be said to be _pro tem._ functionally,
       though not structurally, dead. The heart has practically ceased to beat,
       the lungs have ceased to breathe, and physical life in the body is
       temporarily extinct. The fire, in short, has gone out. But if only it
       can be lighted again before any serious change in the system takes
       place, all may still go on precisely as of old.
       Many animals, however, find it convenient to assume a state of less
       complete suspended animation during certain special periods of the year,
       according to the circumstances of their peculiar climate and mode of
       life. Among the very highest animals, the most familiar example of this
       sort of semi-torpidity is to be found among the bears and the dormice.
       The common European brown bear is a carnivore by descent, who has become
       a vegetarian in practice, though whether from conscientious scruples or
       mere practical considerations of expediency, does not appear. He feeds
       chiefly on roots, berries, fruits, vegetables, and honey, all of which
       he finds it comparatively difficult to procure during winter weather.
       Accordingly, as everyone knows, he eats immoderately in the summer
       season, till he has grown fat enough to supply bear's grease to all
       Christendom. Then he hunts himself out a hollow tree or rock-shelter,
       curls himself up quietly to sleep, and snores away the whole livelong
       winter. During this period of hibernation, the action of the heart is
       reduced to a minimum, and the bear breathes but very slowly. Still, he
       does breathe, and his heart does beat; and in performing those
       indispensable functions, all his store of accumulated fat is gradually
       used up, so that he wakes in spring as thin as a lath and as hungry as a
       hunter. The machine has been working at very low pressure all the
       winter: but it _has_ been working for all that, and the continuity of
       its action has never once for a moment been interrupted. This is the
       central principle of all hibernation; it consists essentially of a very
       long and profound sleep, during which all muscular motion, except that
       of the heart and lungs, is completely suspended, while even these last
       are reduced to the very smallest amount compatible with the final
       restoration of full animal activity.
       Thus, even among warm-blooded animals like the bears and dormice,
       hibernation actually occurs to a very considerable degree; but it is far
       more common and more complete among cold-blooded creatures, whose bodies
       do not need to be kept heated to the same degree, and with whom,
       accordingly, hibernation becomes almost a complete torpor, the breathing
       and the action of the heart being still further reduced to very nearly
       zero. Mollusks in particular, like oysters and mussels, lead very
       monotonous and uneventful lives, only varied as a rule by the welcome
       change of being cut out of their shells and eaten alive; and their
       powers of living without food under adverse circumstances are really
       very remarkable. Freshwater snails and mussels, in cold weather, bury
       themselves in the mud of ponds or rivers; and land-snails hide
       themselves in the ground or under moss and leaves. The heart then
       ceases perceptibly to beat, but respiration continues in a very faint
       degree. The common garden snail closes the mouth of his shell when he
       wants to hibernate, with a slimy covering; but he leaves a very small
       hole in it somewhere, so as to allow a little air to get in, and keep up
       his breathing to a slight amount. My experience has been, however, that
       a great many snails go to sleep in this way, and never wake up again.
       Either they get frozen to death, or else the respiration falls so low
       that it never picks itself up properly when spring returns. In warm
       climates, it is during the summer that mollusks and other mud-haunting
       creatures go to sleep; and when they get well plastered round with clay,
       they almost approach in tenacity of life the mildest recorded specimens
       of the toad-in-a-hole.
       For example, take the following cases, which I extract, with needful
       simplifications, from Dr. Woodward.
       'In June 1850, a living pond mussel, which had been more than a year out
       of water, was sent to Mr. Gray, from Australia. The big pond snails of
       the tropics have been found alive in logs of mahogany imported from
       Honduras; and M. Caillaud carried some from Egypt to Paris, packed in
       sawdust. Indeed, it isn't easy to ascertain the limit of their
       endurance; for Mr. Laidlay, having placed a number in a drawer for this
       very purpose, found them alive after _five years'_ torpidity, although
       in the warm climate of Calcutta. The pretty snails called _cyclostomas_,
       which have a lid to their shells, are well known to survive
       imprisonments of many months; but in the ordinary open-mouthed
       land-snails such cases are even more remarkable. Several of the enormous
       tropical snails often used to decorate cottage mantelpieces, brought by
       Lieutenant Greaves from Valparaiso, revived after being packed, some for
       thirteen, others for twenty months. In 1849, Mr. Pickering received
       from Mr. Wollaston a basketful of Madeira snails (of twenty or thirty
       different kinds), three-fourths of which proved to be alive, after
       several months' confinement, including a sea voyage. Mr. Wollaston has
       himself recorded the fact that specimens of two Madeira snails survived
       a fast and imprisonment in pill-boxes of two years and a half duration,
       and that large numbers of a small species, brought to England at the
       same time, were _all_ living after being inclosed in a dry bag for a
       year and a half.'
       Whether the snails themselves liked their long deprivation of food and
       moisture we are not informed; their personal tastes and inclinations
       were very little consulted in the matter; but as they and their
       ancestors for many generations must have been accustomed to similar long
       fasts during tropical droughts, in all likelihood they did not much mind
       it.
       The real question, then, about the historical toad-in-a-hole narrows
       itself down in the end merely to this--how long is it credible that a
       cold-blooded creature might sustain life in a torpid or hibernating
       condition, without food, and with a very small quantity of fresh air,
       supplied (let us say) from time to time through an almost imperceptible
       fissure? It is well known that reptiles and amphibians are particularly
       tenacious of life, and that some turtles in particular will live for
       months, or even for years, without tasting food. The common Greek
       tortoise, hawked on barrows about the streets of London and bought by a
       confiding British public under the mistaken impression that its chief
       fare consists of slugs and cockroaches (it is really far more likely to
       feed upon its purchaser's choicest seakale and asparagus), buries itself
       in the ground at the first approach of winter, and snoozes away five
       months of the year in a most comfortable and dignified torpidity. A
       snake at the Zoo has even been known to live eighteen months in a
       voluntary fast, refusing all the most tempting offers of birds and
       rabbits, merely out of pique at her forcible confinement in a strange
       cage. As this was a lady snake, however, it is possible that she only
       went on living out of feminine obstinacy, so that this case really
       counts for very little.
       Toads themselves are well known to possess all the qualities of mind and
       body which go to make up the career of a successful and enduring
       anchorite. At the best of times they eat seldom and sparingly, while a
       forty days' fast, like Dr. Tanner's, would seem to them but an ordinary
       incident in their everyday existence. In the winter they hibernate by
       burying themselves in the mud, or by getting down cracks in the ground.
       It is also undoubtedly true that they creep into holes wherever they can
       find one, and that in these holes they lie torpid for a considerable
       period. On the other hand, there is every reason to believe that they
       cannot live for more than a certain fixed and relatively short time
       entirely without food or air. Dr. Buckland tried a number of experiments
       upon toads in this manner--experiments wholly unnecessary, considering
       the trivial nature of the point at issue--and his conclusion was that no
       toad could get beyond two years without feeding or breathing. There can
       be very little doubt that in this conclusion he was practically correct,
       and that the real fine old crusted antediluvian toad-in-a-hole is really
       a snare and a delusion.
       That, however, does not wholly settle the question about such toads,
       because, even though they may not be all that their admirers claim for
       them, they may yet possess a very respectable antiquity of their own,
       and may be very far from the category of mere vulgar cheats and
       impostors. Because a toad is not as old as Methuselah, it need not
       follow that he may not be as old as Old Parr; because he does not date
       back to the Flood, it need not follow that he cannot remember Queen
       Elizabeth. There are some toads-in-a-hole, indeed, which, however we may
       account for the origin of their legend, are on the very face of it
       utterly incredible. For example, there is the favourite and immensely
       popular toad who was extracted from a perfectly closed hole in a marble
       mantelpiece. The implication of the legend clearly is that the toad was
       coeval with the marble. But marble is limestone, altered in texture by
       pressure and heat, till it has assumed a crystalline structure. In other
       words we are asked to believe that that toad lived through an amount of
       fiery heat sufficient to burn him up into fine powder, and yet remains
       to tell the tale. Such a toad as this obviously deserves no credit. His
       discoverers may have believed in him themselves, but they will hardly
       get other people to do so.
       Still, there are a great many ways in which it is quite conceivable that
       toads might get into holes in rocks or trees so as to give rise to the
       common stories about them, and might even manage to live there for a
       considerable time with very small quantities of food or air. It must be
       remembered that from the very nature of the conditions the hole can
       never be properly examined and inspected until after it has been split
       open and the toad has been extracted from it. Now, if you split open a
       tree or a rock, and find a toad inside it, with a cavity which he
       exactly fills, it is extremely difficult to say whether there was or was
       not a fissure before you broke the thing to pieces with your hatchet or
       pickaxe. A very small fissure indeed would be quite sufficient to
       account for the whole delusion; for if the toad could get a little air
       to breathe slowly during his torpid period, and could find a few dead
       flies or worms among the water that trickled scantily into his hole, he
       could manage to drag out a peaceful and monotonous existence almost
       indefinitely. Here are a few possible cases, any one of which will
       quite suffice to give rise to at least as good a toad-in-the-hole as
       ninety-nine out of a hundred published instances.
       An adult toad buries himself in the mud by a dry pond, and gets coated
       with a hard solid coat of sun-baked clay. His nodule is broken open with
       a spade, and the toad himself is found inside, almost exactly filling
       the space within the cavity. He has only been there for a few months at
       the outside; but the clay is as hard as a stone, and to the bucolic mind
       looks as if it might have been there ever since the Deluge. Good blue
       lias clay, which dries as solid as limestone, would perform this trick
       to perfection; and the toad might easily be relegated accordingly to the
       secondary ages of geology. Observe, however, that the actual toads so
       found are not the geological toads we should naturally expect under such
       remarkable circumstances, but the common everyday toads of modern
       England. This shows a want of accurate scientific knowledge on the part
       of the toads which is truly lamentable. A toad who really wished to
       qualify himself for the post ought at least to avoid presenting himself
       before a critical eye in the foolish guise of an embodied anachronism.
       He reminds one of the Roman mother in a popular burlesque, who suspects
       her son of smoking, and vehemently declares that she smells tobacco,
       but, after a moment, recollects the historical proprieties, and mutters
       to herself, apologetically, 'No, not tobacco; that's not yet invented.'
       A would-be silurian or triassic toad ought, in like manner, to remember
       that in the ages to whose honours he aspires his own amphibian kind was
       not yet developed. He ought rather to come out in the character of a
       ceratodus or a labyrinthodon.
       Again, another adult toad crawls into the hollow of a tree, and there
       hibernates. The bark partially closes over the slit by which he entered,
       but leaves a little crack by which air can enter freely. The grubs in
       the bark and other insects supply him from time to time with a frugal
       repast. There is no good reason why, under such circumstances, a placid
       and contented toad might not manage to prolong his existence for several
       consecutive seasons.
       Once more, the spawn of toads is very small, as regards the size of the
       individual eggs, compared with the size of the full-grown animal.
       Nothing would be easier than for a piece of spawn or a tiny tadpole to
       be washed into some hole in a mine or cave, where there was sufficient
       water for its developement, and where the trickling drops brought down
       minute objects of food, enough to keep up its simple existence. A toad
       brought up under such peculiar circumstances might pass almost its
       entire life in a state of torpidity, and yet might grow and thrive in
       its own sleepy vegetative fashion.
       In short, while it would be difficult in any given case to prove to a
       certainty either that the particular toad-in-a-hole had or had not
       access to air and food, the ordinary conditions of toad life are exactly
       those under which the delusive appearance of venerable antiquity would
       be almost certain frequently to arise. The toad is a nocturnal animal;
       it lives through the daytime in dark and damp places; it shows a decided
       liking for crannies and crevices; it is wonderfully tenacious of life;
       it possesses the power of hibernation; it can live on extremely small
       quantities of food for very long periods of time together; it buries
       itself in mud or clay; it passes the early part of its life as a
       water-haunting tadpole; and last, not least, it can swell out its body
       to nearly double its natural size by inflating itself, which fully
       accounts for the stories of toads being taken out of holes every bit as
       big as themselves. Considering all these things, it would be wonderful
       indeed if toads were not often found in places and conditions which
       would naturally give rise to the familiar myth. Throw in a little
       allowance for human credulity, human exaggeration, and human love of the
       marvellous, and you have all the elements of a very excellent
       toad-in-the-hole in the highest ideal perfection.
       At the same time I think it quite possible that some toads, under
       natural circumstances, do really remain in a torpid or semi-torpid
       condition for a period far exceeding the twenty-four months allowed as
       the maximum in Dr. Buckland's unpleasant experiments. If the amount of
       air supplied through a crack or through the texture of the stone were
       exactly sufficient for keeping the animal alive in the very slightest
       fashion--the engine working at the lowest possible pressure, short of
       absolute cessation--I see no reason on earth why a toad might not remain
       dormant, in a moist place, with perhaps a very occasional worm or grub
       for breakfast, for at least as long a time as the desert snail slept
       comfortably in the British Museum. Altogether, while it is impossible to
       believe the stories about toads that have been buried in a mine for
       whole centuries, and still more impossible to believe in their being
       disentombed from marble mantelpieces or very ancient geological
       formations, it is quite conceivable that some toads-in-a-hole may really
       be far from mere vulgar impostors, and may have passed the traditional
       seven years of the Indian philosophers in solitary meditation on the
       syllable Om, or on the equally significant Ko-ax, Ko-ax of the
       irreverent Attic dramatist. "Certainly not a centenarian, but perhaps a
       good seven-year sleeper for all that," is the final verdict which the
       court is disposed to return, after due consideration of all the
       probabilities _in re_ the toad-in-a-hole.
       [The end]
       Grant Allen's essay: Seven-Year Sleepers